Theory Jokes / Recent Jokes

Instructions
Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately. History
Descrive the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially but not exclusively, on it social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific. Medicine
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes. Public Speaking
2500 riot-crazed aboriginies are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek. Biology
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if the form of life had developed 50 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis. Music
Write a piano concerto. more...

I heard that in relativity theory space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.

The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho MarxThe marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is Marxism. -Heidi Hartmann [The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism]The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. ColeridgeThe only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don't mature. So you might as well marry a younger one.There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavranTo keep your marriage brimmingWith love in the marriage cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it, Whenever you're more...

The difference between theory and experiment:
A guy was walking along the street one night, when he came upon a man-a
theoretical physicist-on his hands and knees under a street light, searching
the street. The fellow asked him what he was looking for, and the theoretician
replied, "I'm looking for my car keys." Being a helpful sort, the fellow
started searching, too.
After a time he asked, "Are you sure you lost them here?"
"Of course not" replied the theoretician. "But at least there's light here."

It's the theory of Jess Birnbaum, of Time magazine, that women with bad legs should stick to long shirts because they cover a multitude of shins.
It's not the initial skirt length, it's the upcreep.

Experiment and theory often show remarkable agreement when performed in the same laboratory.

The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. -- Groucho Marx

The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is Marxism. --Heidi Hartmann [The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism]

The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. -- S. T. Coleridge

The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don't mature. So you might as well marry a younger one.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. -- James Holt McGavran

To keep your marriage more...