Therapist Jokes / Recent Jokes

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem doctor" Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell." "MY dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what problem is?" "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up."

A woman went to see a sex therapist with a peculiar problem."My husband," she said, "always falls asleep with his erect penis inside of me.""Is that a problem?" asked the therapist."Well," she said, "the problem is he walks in his sleep!"

When they arrived at the therapists office, the therapist jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles and hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the therapist went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there - speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The therapist spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

Two women had been having a friendly lunch when the subject turned to sex. "You know, John and I have been having some sexual problems", Linda told her friend. "That's amazing!" Mary replied, "So have Tom and I. We're thinking of going to a sex therapist", said Linda. "Oh, we could never do that! We'd be too embarrassed!", responded Mary. "But after you go, will you please tell me how it went?"
Several weeks passed, and the two friends met for lunch again. "So how did the sex therapy work out, Linda?", Mary asked. "Things couldn't be better!", Linda exclaimed. "We began with a physical exam, and afterward the doctor said he was certain he could help us. He told us to stop at the grocery store on the way home and buy a bunch of grapes and a dozen donuts. He told us to sit on the floor nude, and toss the grapes and donuts at each other. Every grape that went into my vagina, John had to get it out with his more...

A man consults a therapist and states, "Doc, I`m suicidal. What should I do?"
The doctor replies, "Pay in advance."

An old man goes to the sex therapist an the therapist asks "Do you and your wife have mutal climax " he goes "No we got State Farm"

An elderly man and his wife decided to separate. Before being allowed to do so legally, the Family Court insisted they undergo some marriage counseling to see if their union could be saved.

The therapist did her best, but to no avail. The old folks were absolutely determined to go through with separation leading to divorce.

Finally, in desperation, the therapist said to the husband, "But you're ninety-five and your wife is ninety-three. You've been married for seventy-two years! Why do you want to separate now?"

To this the wife replied, "We haven't been able to stand each other for the last forty-six years. But we thought we should wait until all the children died before we split up."