Therapy Jokes / Recent Jokes
Here's the first installment of politically correct TV shows coming up in the fall TV season, complete with ratings supplied by Big Brother (offensive to the politically correct):
Sunday night:
"Mystery, She Wrote":
Cabot Cove is engulfed by a wave of anonymous charitable gifts. The mayor asks Jessica to investigate so the donors can be honored in a public ceremony. Ratings: S/MU, ALG.
[See ratings at the end of this listing.]
"The Sunday Night Movie: Blowing Up in Beverly Hills":
A made-for-TV movie based on an actual event. After two troubled siblings (real-life brothers Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen) contemplate murdering their wealthy but insensitive parents, they decide instead to go to court. While attending mandatory therapy, the family explores and heals deep-seated conflicts. Inspired by the trial of Lyle and Erik Menendez. Dr. Goodfellow: Alan Alda. First of two parts. Ratings: S/MU, VATCOT, RPSE.
"Married... Happily more...
The father was distressed with his thirteen-year old son's preoccupation with breasts. The boy would repeatedly point to attractive girls and whisper: "Hey, Dad, look at the knockers on that one!"
The father finally took the boy to a psychiatrist, who assured him that just one day's intensive therapy could cure the boy.
When the session was over, father and son walked several blocks to a bus stop. The boy remained silent as they passed a number of pretty girls.
As they boarded the bus, the father was inwardly complimenting the psychiatrist. Then his son tugged at his sleeve and whispered: "Hey, Dad, look at the ass on the bus driver!"
A graduate student in speech therapy had two days to cure her patients of their stutters. She came to a therapy session in a revealing outfit and offered a blow job to anyone who could pronounce the name of the city in which they were born without stuttering. The first man stood up and said, "B-b-b-b-b-b-Boston."
Dejected, he shook his head and sat back down. The next guy stood and said, "Ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-Cleveland."
He slapped his thigh in frustration and sat back down. The third guy stood and without hesitation said, "Miami."
The student fell to her knees and began performing oral sex on the man. After finishing, she looked up and said, "What do you have to say now?"
He replied, "B-b-b-b-b-Beach."
Source: United Press International
Infertile Couple Decides To Try Sex
LONDON (United Press International via COMTEX) -- A German husband and wife were sent to sex therapy after admitting to doctors at a fertility clinic that they had never made love.
The husband, 36, and his wife, 32, thought all they had to do to make a baby was to lie next to each other and something would happen, the Mirror reported Tuesday.
When nothing besides sleep happened, they saved $12, 460 and went to an in-vitro fertilization clinic
at the University of Luebeck in Germany.
"We're not talking about retards here, but a couple who were brought up in a strict religious environment who simply did not know how babies were created," said a clinic spokesman.
"It was only after they were subjected to a battery of tests and both were found to be perfectly fertile that we asked them how often they had sex.
"The more...
MAKING COFFEE Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir.. gently, and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk. LAYING A CARPET Laying a carpet is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, nail her, then walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay. HANGING WALLPAPER Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork. PUTTING UP A TENT Putting up a tent, is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'.. slip in to the old bag. WASHING A CAR Washing a car, is very much more...