Thereby Jokes

Bad Light: what games tend to finish in, when it is probably twice as dark as it was when the batsman went off for bad light in the middle of the afternoon session.

Bits and Pieces Player: cricketer who is only average at more things than the average player.

Bowler's Limitation: maximum number of overs a bowler is allowed to bowl, which they usually exceed by bowling no-balls.

Bowler Tossing The Ball Up: bowler celebrating a caught and bowled.

Bowling Attack: a series of bowlers who defend.

Building A Platform For The Innings: method by which batsmen bat very slowly leaving the tail to bat very quickly to ensure a decent total.

Coloured Clothing: what players wear in the hope that spectators will wear it too; also a useful way for the crowd to tell the difference between the batsmen and the bowlers.

Day/Night Match: one-day game played under contemporary over- rates.

Death: part of the innings in more...

THE LAST WORD
The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary

Activation Energy: The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee.

Atomic Theory: A mythological explanation of the nature of matter, first proposed by the ancient Greeks, and now thoroughly discredited by modern computer simulation. Attempts to verify the theory by modern computer simulation have failed. Instead, it has been demonstrated repeatedly that computer outputs depend upon the color of the programmer's eyes, or occasionally upon the month of his or her birth. This apparent astrological connection, at last, vindicates the alchemist's view of astrology as the mother of all science.

Bacon, Roger: An English friar who dabbled in science and made experimentation fashionable. Bacon was the first science popularizer to make it big on the banquet and talk-show circuit, and his books even outsold the fad diets of the period.

Biological Science: A contradiction in more...

Activation Energy: The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee.

Atomic Theory: A mythological explanation of the nature of matter, first proposed by the ancient Greeks, and now thoroughly discredited by modern computer simulation. Attempts to verify the theory by modern computer simulation have failed. Instead, it has been demonstrated repeatedly that computer outputs depend upon the color of the programmer`s eyes, or occasionally upon the month of his or her birth. This apparent astrological connection, at last, vindicates the alchemist`s view of astrology as the mother of all science.

Bacon, Roger: An English friar who dabbled in science and made experimentation fashionable. Bacon was the first science popularizer to make it big on the banquet and talk-show circuit, and his books even outsold the fad diets of the period.

Biological Science: A contradiction in terms.

Bunsen Burner: A device invented by Robert Bunsen more...

More than 32 Million Americans Could Benefit
MIAMI, FL, March 31 -- Burger King Corporation today announced the launch of the new Left Handed WHOPPER, which will become available nationwide tomorrow. America's most preferred premium hamburger will feature the trademark build of lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles, mayonnaise, ketchup and 4-ounce flame broiled hamburger patty, but the newly designed sandwich has been re-engineered to fit more comfortably in the left hand, thereby reducing condiment "spills" for left-handed hamburger lovers. It is estimated that more than 1. 4 million left-handed customers visit U. S. Burger King restaurants each day.
The new left-handed sandwich will have all condiments rotated 180 degrees, thereby redistributing the weight of the sandwich so that the bulk of the condiments will skew to the left, thereby reducing the amount of lettuce and other toppings from spilling out the right side of the burger.
"We have always been more...

As Time Goes By - A Brief History Lesson...
3050 B.C. - A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the week, the idea is stolen and duplicated by other Sumerians, thereby establishing the business ethic for all times.
525 B.C. - The first Olympics are held, and prove similar to the modern games, except that the Russians don't try to enter a six-footer with a moustache in the women's shot put.
214 B.C. - Tens of thousands of Chinese labor for a generation to build the 1,500 mile long Great Wall of China. And after all that, it still doesn't keep the neighbor's dog out.
1 B.C. - Calendar manufacturers find themselves in total disagreement over what to call next year.
432 - St. Patrick introduces Christianity to Ireland, thereby giving the natives something interesting to fight about for the rest of their recorded history.
1297- The world's first stock exchange opens, but no one has the foresight to buy IBM or Xerox.
1456 - An English judge reviews Joan of Arc's more...