Thick Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.

Yo Mama's glasses are so thick she looks at a map and sees people waving!

Yo mamas glasses are so thick she can see into the future.

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. An XT clone in a Pentium zone. Another engineering prototype that should not have been shipped. Answers the door when the phone rings. Any slower and he'd be in reverse. - Gignac As a baby his parents stood him on his soft spot. As bent as a corkscrew. As bright as a nightlight / small appliance bulb / tulip bulb. As happy as if he had brains. As happy as the village idiot. As much use as a back pocket in a vest. (Very English.) As much use as a lead parachute. As quick as a corpse. As rare as a nine bob note. (Very English.) As sharp as a marble / bowling ball / beachball / pin head / wet sponge / bowl of Jello / mashed potato sandwich, and twice as smart. As sharp as a sack full of wet mice. - Foghorn Leghorn As smart as a politician/lawyer is honest. As smart as bait / an automatic email responder script. As smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly. As thick as champ. (Irish champ is mostly mashed spuds and cabbage.) As thick as two short planks more...

The two put together have an IQ over 150. The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead. There she sits, Finite State Automaton at its best. There's nothing wrong with you that couldn't be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet. - Woody Allen They must have done a clean boot on him. Thick as a brick / whale omelette. Thick as pig dung and twice as smelly. Thinks "Private Enterprise" means owning a personal starship. Thinks a permutation is a medical procedure. Thinks at 5 baud. Thinks cellular phones are carbon-based life forms. Thinks E=MC^2 is a rap star. Thinks everyone else is entitled to his opinion, like it or not. thinks in lower case and types accordingly Thinks like a boar hog looks at a wristwatch. Thinks male zebras are the ones with the black stripes. Three chickens short of a henhouse. Three miracles shy of being where he thinks he's at. Three-bag/coyote ugly. (Ask your mommy to explain.) Throws his rod and reel off the bridge when casting. Too dumb to be more...

General Musharaf, President of Pakistan was awoken at 4am by the
telephone.
"Jannab, its the Minister of Health here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Rawalpindi has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire Pakistani supply of condoms will be gone by the end of the week."
Musharaf: "What a disaster! The economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies- we'll be ruined!"
Minister: "We're going to have to ship some condoms in from abroad..."
Musharaf: "Afghanistan...?"
Minister: "No chance!! The tabloids will have a field day on this one!"
Musharaf: "What about India?"
Minister: "Maybe- but we don't want them to know that we are stuck. Call the Indian Prime Minister, Singh- tell him we need one million condoms; colored gold and green; ten inches long and eight inches thick! That more...

Yo momma's glasses are so thick when she looks at a map she sees people waving.