Thief Jokes / Recent Jokes

ONCE A MAD PERSON RUNS UP FROM THE HOSPITAL AND ENDS UP IN NEWYORK CITY.THERE HE SEES A VERY TALL BUILDING.HE SAYS TO HIMSELF THAT"I LIKE THIS
BUILDING WHY NOT TAKE IT HOME".AND SO HE STARTS PUSHING THAT BUILDING.TILL EVENING HIS CLOTHES GET WET BY THE SWEAT, SO HE TAKES OFF HIS T-SHIRT AND KEEPS IT ON THE FOOTPATH AND CONTINUES WITH HIS JOB.MEANWHILE A THIEF TAKES
HIS T-SHIRT AND VANISHES.AT ABOUT MIDNIGHT HE
STOPS.HE SAYS TO HIMSELF"WELL I THINK IAM HOME".HE LOOKS FOR HIS T-SHIRT AND WHEN HE IS
UNABLE TO FIND IT HE SAYS,"OH, MY GOODNESS I FORGOT MY T-SHIRT IN MID-WAY".

It is said: "A thief is a person of low position, but he can outwit a man of noble character." In the Shuifu Temple of my county, there was a big hanging bell. Once some countrymen from Baling came down the river and moored their boat nearby. They wanted to steal the bell with which to cast farming tools. Between them they removed the bell from the belfry and lowered it onto the ground. Having stuffed the bell with mud, they smashed it into pieces and carried the fragments away with shoulder poles. Not a sound was heard by the villagers in the neighborhood. Again I heard of a thief who broke into a house in broad daylight and stole a chime stone. * When he stepped out the door into the street, he fell in with the master of the house coming home. "Grandpa," the thief greeted him and asked, " do you want to buy a chime stone?" "No, thanks," replied the old man, " I already have one at home." Thereupon, the thief walked off with what he more...

The policemen caught a thief and produce before him to court.
Then the angry judge shoughted on theif saying that, dont you have character, every alternate day you come in the court?
Then the theif smiled and replied that, i do you have character, but sir, do you have, you come daily in the court?

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME IN HANDY A repeat offender got alife sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49.73worth of boxer shorts, panties, a sports bra and some cigarette lighters from a Wal-Martstore. His fatal mistake was flashing a knife at a security guard - which turned hispetty theft into a felony. Since the man had been released from prison less than threeyears ago, Florida's repeat offender law required the judge to send him away for lifewithout the possibility of parole.INSULT TO INJURY An unemployed sanitationworker in Miami is also facing life in prison - for shooting himself in the privates. Ina drunken stupor, the man reached for a pistol he had hidden in his pants. The gun wentoff, and the bullet struck the man in the... nuggets. At first, he told officers someoneelse had shot him, but changed his story after paramedics found the shell casing in hisunderwear. Cops ruled the shooting accidental, but the man more...

[San Jose Mercury News]
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N. C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson . 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system.
His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been more...

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to more...

Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]

Florida:[Uh, pardon our English] A thief burst into the bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the more...