Thief Jokes / Recent Jokes

The old adage that "It takes a thief to catch a thief" may indeed be true.
But these days there's a 3rd thief involved pleading the case -- the lawyer.

Former NFL star running back (and murderer) O.J. Simpson has been questioned as a possible suspect in an alleged theft at a hotel-casino in Las Vegas, Nevada, police spokesman said Friday. Simpson claims that he was conducting a sting operation to collect some of his own memorabilia.

In the room, police did find the items belonging to Simpson:

A Bloody Glove
A Bloody Knife
A Bloody football
A Bloody Heisman Trophy
A Bloody Jersey
A Bloody white diamond dress once belonging to Carol Channing and a pair of Bloody socks.

Simpson was adamant about having his name besmirched as a thief. "I hate being labeled a thief" stated Simpson.

Police: Have you caught the thief?
Hawaldar: No, but I found some trace of him.
Police: What? Hawaldar: Finger prints.
Police: Where? Hawaldar: On my cheeks.

Banta singh, coming back from a late night movie was attacked by a thief. There was a terrific fight and banta gave a good account for himself. But finally the thief tied him down and went through his pockets. He found only 25 paisa.


The exasperated robber exclaimed "what the hell. Why were you fighting for only 25 paisa" banta replied "oh. You were only after this 25 paise is it? I thought you were after the rs. 1, 000 i have hidden in my left shoe".

A teacher, a petty thief and a lawyer all died and went to the Pearly Gates. Because of crowding, St. Peter told them they had to pass a test before ascending any further. Adressing The teacher, he asked, "What was the name of the famous ship that hit an iceberg and sank?" "The Titanic," she answered and St. Peter motioned her into heaven. The thief was next. "How many people died on that ship?" St. Peter asked. "Gee, that's tough," the man replied. "But luckily I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500." St. Peter let him through. Then St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them."

Two thieves robbed a bank and were going to their hideout.
1st Thief: Let's count the money.
2nd Thief: Forget it. We will read it in tomorrow's newspaper.

Did you hear about the calendar thief?
He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered!