Thief Jokes / Recent Jokes

A retired beer taster is suing a major Brazilian brewer which, he claims, is responsible for his becoming an alcoholic.
Three people in Thailand became seriously ill after eating soil from a temple compound that was said to possess magic therapeutic powers.
A polite thief apologized for stealing a London woman's car in a note saying he had to take his pregnant wife to the hospital.
Casinos in Atlantic City, N.J., accepted bogus $100 bills for a whole weekend till a sharp-eyed prostitute noticed and helped police bust the counterfeiters.
A Sri Lankan government official popped a bribe into his mouth when detectives pounced on him, then bit a policeman who tried to retrieve the money.
A young hummingbird that considered an 11-year-old California boy a likely nesting spot clung to his curly hair for three hours before teachers were able to pluck it free.
A would-be car thief in Hammond, La., who spotted an unlocked car with the motor running changed his mind in a more...

Once there was a man, whose servant didn't remember anything properly. One day in that man's house there was a robbery.
The man told his servant to inform the police that- Last night, the stars were shining, dogs were barking, one thief came and took my master's cow.
The servant went to the police station and said- Last night, the dogs were shining, the stars were barking, one cow came and stole my master's thief.

Once a man was coming home he saw the stars were shining, the dogs were barking at a thief who came and broke the wall and drove off. After sometime when the police arrived they asked the man what happened he said the stars were barking the dogs were shining a thief came and broke the car and drove the wall the police said from where you were coming he said from the doctor.

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

During a high school break-in in Plymouth, North Carolina, two burglars found a camera in one of the classrooms and amused themselves by taking pictures of each other committing the crime. When they couldn't figure out how to get the film out of the camera, they concluded it wasn't loaded and left it behind. The men apparently didn't realize they'd been fooling around with a digital camera that stores pictures on a computer disk. Investigators downloaded the snapshots to a computer and got a complete photographic record of the break-in. The suspects were quickly arrested.
A luckless thief pleaded guilty to the attempted robbery of a convenience store in Detroit Lakes, Minnesota. The thief told a passer-by he was going to rob the store, gave the man a dollar, and asked him to go inside and buy a scarf to hide his identity during the crime. The bystander took the dollar, went inside the store... and called the police.

In a village, they had a rule that says "if anyone is caught stealing, the person will be asked to pick a fruit and 50 of that fruit will be shoved up his/her ass At once/the same time. but as they are shoving the fruit up the ass you must not laugh, if you do your head will cut off immediatly".
So they caught these three thieves trying to steal money. so they were asked to go get a fruit each(folowing the rules).
The first thief brought oranges...and they started shoving 50 of it in his butt at the same time, so he died.
The Second thief brought grapes(which was very small). but as they started shoving it up his ass, he started laughing so they cut his head off.
When he got to heaven, the first thief was very upset with him and was like why was he laughing because he wouldnt have died since the grapes were very small. the second thief still laughing was like "you dont understand". the first thief was like "Understand what?" then the more...

Once a one police-man told another that he should catch the thief.
He returns back.
First police-man asks him whether he had caught the thief or not.
He says "I hadn't caught him but got his finger-prints."
First police-man asks "where?"
He says "on my face."