Thin Jokes / Recent Jokes

Age 8: Looks at herself and sees herself as Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty. Age 15: Looks at herself and sees herself as Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty/Cheerleader or if she is PMS’ing: sees fat/pimples/UGLY. (Mom I can’t go to school looking like this!) Age 20: Looks at herself and sees “too fat/too thin, too/short/too tall, too straight/too curly”- but decides she’s going anyway. Age 30: Looks at herself and sees “too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly” but decides she doesn’t have time to fix it, so she goes anyway. Age 40: Looks at herself and sees “too fat/ too thin, too short/to tall too straight/too curly”- but says: “At least I’m clean” and goes anyway. Age 50: Looks at herself and sees “I am” and goes where ever she wants to. Age 60: Looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can’t even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers the world. Age 70: Looks at herself and sees wisdom, laughter and more...

Two Irishmen met in a pub and discussed the illness of a third.
"Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I'm afraid he's goin' to die."
"Shure, an' why would he be dyin'?" asked the other.
"Ah, he's gotten so thin. You're thin enough, and I'm thin - but by my
soul, Micheal Hogan is thinner than both of us put together."

Outside every thin person, there is a fat person trying to get in.

One day the parishioners of a church decided the church needed repainting. They gathered up all their supplies, bought all their paint and began painting. Halfway through the job they realized that there wouldn't be enough paint and they didn't want to spend anymore money to buy more. So, they began to thin the pain with water until there was enough to finish. As they put the last stroke on the church the heavens parted and rain gushed down. All the thinned paint ran off the side of the church and into the gutters. A voice bellowed from above "REPAINT, AND THIN NO MORE!"

By Barbara Florio Graham
From McCall's, June, 1983

I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I've found The Answer. After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what I serve him, I've found out what it is that keeps him thin: He thinks differently. The real difference between fat and thin people is that thin people:

avoid eating popcorn in the movies because it gets their hands greasy;

split a large combination pizza with three friends;

think Oreo cookies are for kids;

nibble cashews one at a time;

think that doughnuts are indigestible;

read books they have to hold with both hands;

become so absorbed in a weekend project they forget to have lunch;

fill the candy dish on their desks with paper clips;

counteract the midafternoon slump with a more...

Though the walls of our apartment complex aren't particularly thin, the
floors and ceilings act as amplifiers. One night, several months ago, my
wife and I were lying in bed. Noticing the repeated constant sound of a bed
scooting along the floor and a headboard banging against a wall, we became
aware that the occupants of the bedroom directly were doing more than tossing
and turning in their sleep. This went on for some time. Later we described
the event to our friends.
US: "For the first five minutes, it was funny and kind of embarrassing that
we could hear them so well.
"After about ten minutes, it became really annoying.
"After fifteen minutes, it was getting very frustrating because it was
keeping us from going to sleep..."
FRIENDS: "And then?"
US: "And then after twenty straight minutes...Okay, after twenty minutes it
was pretty damn impressive."

Though the walls of our apartment complex aren't particularly thin, the floors and ceilings act as amplifiers. One night, several months ago, my wife and I were lying in bed. Noticing the repeated constant sound of a bed scooting along the floor and a headboard banging against a wall, we became aware that the occupants of the bedroom directly were doing more than tossing and turning in their sleep. This went on for some time. Later we described the event to our friends.
US: "For the first five minutes, it was funny and kind of embarrassing that we could hear them so well.
"After about ten minutes, it became really annoying.
"After fifteen minutes, it was getting very frustrating because it was keeping us from going to sleep..."
FRIENDS: "And then?"
US: "And then after twenty straight minutes...Okay, after twenty minutes it was pretty damn impressive."