Third Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears.Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a business. So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business.He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them.The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have no ears." The man got really upset and threw the more...

While out jogging Bill Clinton tripped and fell over a bridge into the cold water below. Three young boys playing by the water saw what happened, jumped in and pulled him to shore. Being very thankful, he said to the boys, "Boys, you have just saved the former President of the United States. You each deserve a reward."
"I'd love to go to Disney World," the first boy said. "I will take you there personally," Bill replied.
"I'd like to have a brand new pair of Nike Air Jordan's," the second boy said. "I shall buy them for you myself," Bill promised.
"I want a customized wheelchair, complete with stereo and built in speakers," said the third boy. Looking at him with a puzzled expression, the former President asked, "Son, why would you ask for such a thing? You don't appear to be handicapped to me."
"I will be when my father finds out I saved you from drowning!" replied the third boy.

Statistics Canada is hiring mathematicians. Three recent graduates are invited for an interview: one has a degree in pure mathematics, another one in applied math, and the third one obtained his B. Sc. in statistics.

All three are asked the same question: "What is one third plus two thirds?"

The pure mathematician: "It's one."

The applied mathematician takes out his pocket calculator, punches in the numbers, and replies: "It's 0. 999999999."

The statistician: "What do you want it to be?"

There were these three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who, indeed, had the coldest igloo. They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said "Watch this!" and poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor. "Not bad" said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder still. So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!" and took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor. "Wow, that's colder than mine!" said the first Eskimo. But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still. So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said "Watch this!" and went into the bedroom, threw back the thick more...

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.The first man had married a woman from Kansas and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and all the dishes were washed and put away.The second man had married a woman from Alabama. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was cleaned, dishes were done and she had a huge dinner on the table.The third man had married a West Virginia girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second more...

3 women went out drinking, and decided to have a contest of who could get the drunkest.
The next day the women all got together.
The first woman said, "I drove my car into a ditch."
The second woman said, "I blew chunks."
The third woman said, "I burned down my house."
After they all had told their stories, the third woman said, "I guess I won," and the second woman said, "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog."

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter comes and takes their drink order." I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggie." I would like a Coke," said the second little piggie." I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggie. The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner." I want a nice big steak," said the first piggie." I would like the salad plate," said the second piggie." I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggie. The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert." I want a banana split," said the first piggie." I want a root beer float," said the second piggie." I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the third little piggie." Pardon me for asking," said the waiter, "but why have you only ordered more...