Third Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees." The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."

Three elderly men visited the doctor for a memory test. The doctor asked the first one, "What's three times three?" "285!" the man replied. Worried, the doctor turned to the second man. "How about you? What's three times three?" "Uh, Monday!" the second man shouted. Even more concerned, the doctor motioned to the third man. "Well, what do you say? What's three times three?" "Nine!" the third man replied. "Excellent!" the doctor exclaimed. "How did you get that?" "Oh, it's pretty simple," the man explained. "You just subtract the 285 from Monday!"

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.""Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I more...

Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?""274" was his reply.The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?""Tuesday" replies the second man.The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times
three"?"Nine" says the third man."That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"?"Jeez, Doc, it's pretty simple," says the third man. "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.
The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She said, "'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man."

Three dogs are at the vet in the waiting room.
When the first dog asks the second dog what he's in for, he answers, "My master bought a brand new carpet the other day, and at the first opportunity I soiled it, so now I've been brought here to be put to sleep. So what are you here for?"
The first dog replies grimly, "I'm also being put to sleep. My master had a table with a collection of expensive vases and while I was chasing my tail I accidentally bumped into the table and broke them all."
The two dogs then look over and ask the third dog what he's in for. The third dog answers, "The reason I'm here is the other day my master stepped out of the shower and she bent over. I couldn't resist, so I jumped her from behind and took her like a wild animal!"
"So I guess you're also here to be put to sleep?" says the first dog.
The third dog answers, "Nope, I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed.
"What happened then?" they asked.
She said, "Get out from under the bed and fight like a man."