Third Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man with no ears is trying to find a new reporter for their news show.
The first candidate walks in, and the boss says, "This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What is one thing you notice about me?"
The guy says, "Well damn! You got no ears man!"
So the boss yells, "Get out!"
The second candidate comes in, and the boss says, "This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What is something you notice about me?"
The guy says, "That's easy, you got no ears!"
So the boss says, "Get out!"
As the second candidate leaves he sees the third candidate about to go in and says, "The boss has no ears so don't say anything about them, cause he is really sensitive about it."
So the third candidate goes in and the boss says, "This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What do you notice about me?"
The guy says, "Your wearing contacts!"
And the boss more...

Three bulls were grumbling about the expected arrival of a fourth one. The first bull raged that he had been on the farm for 20 years and had 20 cows and wasn’t going to give up a single cow to the newcomer. The second bull, with 10 cows, insisted he wasn’t giving up any of his, and the third bull, with five cows, wasn’t about to budge, either.
The next day, a truck pulled up and the farmer led out the biggest blackest, meanest bull the others had ever seen. "Well," said the first bull, "I guess 20 cows are a bit of a strain. He can have some of mine."
"Ten are too much for me, too," said the second. The third bull, however, stood kicking up dirt and snorting. The two others looked at him as if hem had gone stark staring mad. "Look, five cows aren’t worth getting beaten up for," said one of the others.

"To hell with the bloody cows," the third snorted. "I just want to make sure he knows I’m a more...

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie
popped up out of his ashtray and said, "And what will your
third wish be?"
The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting
a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"
"You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your
second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was
before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing,
because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes.
You now have one wish left."
"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck.
I wish I were irresistible to women."
"Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared
forever. "That was your first wish, too!"

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" they asked. "She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."

A man dies and finds himself standing third in line at the Pearly Gates.
The Angel explains that admission requirements are now a bit more strict, as a few slum landlords and con artists have managed to slip into Heaven without being detected.
He queries the first candidate: "What was your annual salary, and what was your profession?"
"I made $150,000 as an Attorney" comes the reply.
"You may enter" says the Angel.
Second candidate, same question. "I made $95,000; I was a realtor."
He is also permitted to enter. Now it is the third man's turn.
"My annual salary was $8,000."
"Cool!" replies the Angel, "and what instrument did you play?"

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She said, "'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man."

There were three guys that won a contest. They would get to spend a year in a room with anything they chose. The first guy loves to have sex. So they put him in a room for a year with over 200 girls to have sex with for a year. The second guy loved to get drunk. So they put him in a room with every beer there ever was to drink for a year. The third guy loved to smoke. So they put him in a room with every kind of cigarette there was to smoke. Two hours later they hear the guy that loved to smoke banging on the door but they say fuck him, he's in there for a year.
A year later they let them out. They first guy came out and he could barely walk, after how many times he had sex. The second guy came out and couldn't walk because he was so drunk. The third guy came out crying. They asked him why he was banging on the door and why he was crying. He said, " I forgot my lighter!"