Timmy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Timmy is playing on the street when he spots a package of Viagra pills. Being a boy of the world, he immediately recognises the possibilities and approaches his daddy:
"Dad, I just found these, and I'm willing to sell them to you for 100 Dollars straight."
"Son, well, while this is a very good offer, I'm in perfect physical health and not currently needing those. Tell you what, go ask Grandpa."
So Timmy walks over and asks his grandfather: "Gramps, I will sell you this package of Viagra for 100 Dollars."
"Oh, thanks Timmy, but are you sure these will work?", asked his grandfather.
"Gee, I don't know. But they do look like the ones that were shown on TV!"
"Tell you what, Timmy, I'll try them tonight and if they work OK, I'll give you the money tomorrow."
The next morning, Timmy visits his grandfather again, and Gramps hands over $500 without hesitation. Timmy is perplexed: "But more...

A new teacher, trying to put her psychology courses to good use, began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, please stand up." A few moments later, little Timmy stood up.
"Do you think you're stupid, little Timmy?" the teacher asked.
"Oh no, Miss Jones. I just hated to see you standing all by yourself!", Timmy replied.

10 year old Timmy comes home from daycare and tells his mom that he thinkshis babysitter is gay." Whatever makes you think THAT?!!?" says mom. Timmy replies, "Because his dick tasted like shit!"

The Grade 1 concert is fast approaching and Johhny has still not decidied what he will do. Little Mary is going to do a piano solo, Timmy will recite a poem, but Johnny can't come up with anything. Finally, his frustrated teacher is releived when he tells her he has worked out his act. Come the night of the concert, all the proud parents fill the hall and watch as Mary, in her perettiest dress, tinkles the ivories to rapturous applause... Then Timmy steps out in his best suit and recites his poems to the delight of the audience. Finally, out comes Johhny, in check shirt, and denim overalls. He steps up to the microphone and says..."Ladies and Gentlemen. My uncle owns a farm and every holiday I visit him there. Tonight, I would like to share with you my impression of some of the many sounds I hear on my unlce's farm. Here is the first....'JOHHNY! GET OFF THAT FUCKING TRACTOR!'"

Little Timmy is playing on the street when he spots a package of Viagra pills. Being a boy of the world, he immediately recognizes the possibilities and approaches his daddy, "Dad, I just found these, and I'm willing to sell them to you for $100 straight."
"Son, well, while this is a very good offer, I'm in perfect physical health and not currently needing those. Tell you what, go ask Grandpa."
So Timmy walks over and asks his grandfather, "Gramps, I will sell you this package of Viagra for $100."
"Oh, thanks Timmy, but are you sure these will work?" asked his grandfather.
"Gee, I don't know," said Timmy. "But they do look like the ones that were shown on TV!"
"Tell you what, Timmy, I'll try them tonight and if they work okay, I'll give you the money tomorrow."
The next morning, Timmy visits his grandfather again, and Gramps hands over $500 without hesitation. Timmy is perplexed, "But more...

The Grade 1 concert is fast approaching and Johhny has still not decidied what he will do. Little Mary is going to do a piano solo, Timmy will recite a poem, but Johnny can't come up with anything. Finally, his frustrated teacher is releived when he tells her he has worked out his act. Come the night of the concert, all the proud parents fill the hall and watch as Mary, in her perettiest dress, tinkles the ivories to rapturous applause...Then Timmy steps out in his best suit and recites his poems to the delight of the audience.Finally, out comes Johhny, in check shirt, and denim overalls. He steps up to the microphone and says..."Ladies and Gentlemen. My uncle owns a farm and every holiday I visit him there. Tonight, I would like to share with you my impression of some of the many sounds I hear on my unlce's farm. Here is the first....'JOHHNY! GET OFF THAT FUCKING TRACTOR!'"

A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.' 'What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?'' he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand.' 'Yes, Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?'' asked the Scout Master. Timmy replied,' 'A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards.''

''Why's that Timmy?''

''Well,'' answered Timmy,' 'the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration...''

''And what about the deck of cards?'' asked the Scout Master.' 'Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say,' 'Put that red nine on top of that black ten!''