Tire Jokes / Recent Jokes

...there's a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found?...you buy an answering machine so you won't miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer?...there's a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they have to drive 10-15 mph slower than the speed limit?...you're reading a magazine and all those annoying little subscription cards keep falling out?...you tell someone that a door is locked and they try to open it anyway, like it'll magically open for them and not you....someone says, "well, to make a long story short" and then they go on telling it for another 15 minutes....a friend or family member says "Yuck! This is awful!!" and then tells you to try some....you have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just looking around....you rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out....a waiter or waitress is not around at any time other than right after you more...

A salesman, and engineer, and a technician are driving in a car when, just outside of town, they get a flat tire. The three of them get out of the car and scratch their heads.
The salesman says, "Maybe I should walk into town and get us a new tire. I know that I can bargain with the man at the parts store and get us a great deal."
The engineer stops him, saying, "No, before you do that, we'll have to do some computations, figuring the grade of the road, the asphalt temperature, and the average rate of speed we will be traveling to know what kind of tire you should buy."
The technician laughs and shakes his head. "No, no, no! What's wrong with you guys? Hell, we have a spare tire in the trunk - now all we have to do is start swapping tires until we find the flat one!"

I WAS DRIVING ONE DAY WHEN I SAW A LADY WITH A FLAT TIRE, SO I PULLED OVER SHE ASKED ME IF I HAD A TIRE PUMP, FIRST I PUMPED, THEN SHE PUMPED THEN WE BOTH PUMPED

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE more...

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on his back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Answers below...

AL GORE

I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now.

I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road!

I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.

GEORGE W. BUSH

I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road.

I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide.

The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.

SENATOR LIEBERMAN

I believe that every chicken has the right to worship his or her God in his or her own way.

Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in his or her own way.

SECRETARY CHENEY

Chickens are big-time because they have wings.

They could fly if they wanted to.

Chickens don't more...

Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.
Much to their relief she smiled and said: "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said:
"First Question: Which tire was flat?"