Tire Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafing through the "Big Book" to see if the guy is worthy of entering.

Saint Peter goes through the book several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did anything really good in your life, but you never did anything bad, either. If you can convince me of one REALLY good thing you think you did in your life, you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time I was driving down the road and saw this group of really scary guys torturing a poor girl.

"I slowed down, stopped, got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out from my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang--a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his ear to his nose. As I approached him, the gang formed a circle around me.

"So, I ripped the chain off his face and more...

A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."
"How current is your copy?" he asks.
"I get a download every ten minutes." St. Peter replies, "Why do you ask?"
"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was imminent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."
"I'm glad to hear that, "Pete says, "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can you tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?"
The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Hmmm, well there was this one time when I was driving down a road and I saw a group of biker gang members harassing this more...

A college "boy" and his girlfriend went out the night before their major exams. Both of them were totally pissed out of their minds when
they got back home. The next day they were so hungover they
missed most of their class. When they finally showed up, their was only 15 min. left in class before papers had to be turned in. They told the professer that their car's tire popped and they couldn't flag down a ride. The professer "uh huhed" with sympathy and told them they could write the exam the next day. The next day they came in and were sent into different rooms. The cover of the test said, "this will determine all I need to know". They opened the test and saw there was only one question. "Which tire was it?"

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about 50 years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry". He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this.
Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the mid-terms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A. These friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there.
They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Bonk after the final and explained to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went more...

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry". He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this.
Anyway, one year there were these two guys who where taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the mid-terms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A. These friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there.
They did this and had a great time. However, with their hang-overs and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Bonk after the final and explained to him why they missed the final.
They told more...

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry". He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this.Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the mid-terms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A. These friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there.They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Bonk after the final and explained to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up more...

Introductory Chemistry at Duke University has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry." He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this.
Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A.
These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to UVirginia and party with some friends up there.
So they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, what they did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and explain to him why they missed more...