Toad Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper? He had his own frog-horn.
At the edge of the forest there was a somewhat mediocre wizard. He is there to help the animals of the forest with some of their daily problems. One day a toad hops in. The toad says "Oh wizard, please help me. I was born with a yellow penis." "I've told you animals, I can't help you with any big problems," responds the wizard. "You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz." So the toad hops off on his merry little way. But in not too long an elephant enters the wizards pad." Oh wizard," the elephant begins, "please help me. I was born without a trunk." Now the wizard is infuriated. "Don't you stupid animals ever listen!!! Take your damn big problems to the wizard of Oz!"The elephant responds "But, wizard how do I get to the Wizard of Oz?" "Oh that's easy," says the wizard. "Just follow the yellow dicked toad!"
You can always tell a really good idea by the enemies it makes.
-Programmers' axiom
Everything always takes twice as long and costs four times as much as you
planned. -Programmers' axiom
It's never the technical stuff that gets you in trouble, it's the
personalities and the politics. -Programmers' saying
Living with a programmer is easy. All you need is the patience of a saint.
-Programmers' spouses' saying
Applications programming is a race between software engineers, who strive to
produce idiot-proof programs, and the Universe which strives to produce bigger
idiots. -Software engineers' saying
So far the Universe is winning.
-Applications programmers'
saying
The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering
iron, a hardware type with a program patch and a user with an idea.
-Computer saying
You can't do just one thing.
-Campbell's Law of everything
Friends come and go, but more...
Scientists recently discovered fossils that completed the biological structure of a prehistoric giant toad the size of a slightly deflated beach ball. The animal, referred to by scientists as “Beelzebufo, ” or Devil Toad, measured 40 cm long and weighed 4 kg.
This size made the toad to have been much larger than the Goliath Frog of West Africa, known today to be the world’s largest toad.
(From hpwrc! hplabs! sun! plato! janos)
According to several press reports, the new drug of choice is
licking toads.
What a great lead!!
Yes, Bufo Alvirus (Sonoran desert toad to you simple folk) secretes
(a sweating toad?) bufotinine which doesn't do damn for the toad, but
makes humans feel very high indeed.
Says the Examiner story: "If you tried to lick this toad, it would
be a felonious act."
No report to date mentions what the toad turns into when you lick it.
Why not milk the toads and mix the stuff with something nice?
The head of DEA's western regional laboratory is not concerned:
"It's too nasty to screw around with," he said. "And you're going
to have to come up with a lot of toads to compete with cocaine and
marijuana."
The Berkeley police chief was suspicious because he knew of no
occurance of bufotinine use in Berkeley: "If it happened anywhere, it'd
be more...