Toast Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day a very hard to frustrate young man walked into a fast food restraunt feeling slightly hungry....
Restraunt: Hello can I help you?
Man: Yes all I need is some toast.
Restraunt: Im sorry were all out of toast
Man: Well do you have bread?
R: Yes.
M: do you have as toaster?
R yes
M: then put the bread in the toaster
R that would be toast were out of toast
M (sigh) then Ill have pancakes
R We only have waffle mix...
to be continued...
E.E.C. 10yrs
Diet for Stress How's your stress level? This should help. It is more than a diet, so read on... This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day. Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz. skim milkLunch: 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed spinach 1 cup herb tea 1 Oreo cookieMid-Afternoon snack: The rest of Oreos in the package 2 pints Rocky Road ice cream with nuts, cherries and whipped cream 1 jar hot fudge sauceDinner: 2 loaves garlic bread 4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke 1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza 3 Snickers barsLate Evening News: Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)Rules for this Diet1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy jar are canceled out by the diet soda. 3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do. 4. Food used for more...
* If Oracle made toasters… They’d claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you’d discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away and that, indeed, the whole appliance was just blowing smoke!
* If HP made toasters… They would market the Reverse Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread!
* If IBM made toasters… They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.
* If Xerox made toasters… You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you.
* If Circuit City made toasters… The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.
* If Thinking Machines made toasters… You more...
A blonde and a brunette were involved in a terrible car accident and both cars were completely totaled.
They climbed from the wreckage and the brunette stood in awe. "Our cars are demolished, yet we walk unharmed. This must be a sign from God that we are to be best friends for the rest of our lives," she said.
"I agree with you completely. No doubt we'll be lifelong friends," the blonde replied.
The brunette stepped closer to examine the damage and noticed something shiny within her car. Reaching in, she pulled out an unbroken bottle. "This bottle of wine wasn't even cracked. I think this is another sign that we are to drink a toast to our new friendship."
"That's a great idea, miss," the blonde answered, taking the bottle from her. She popped the cork and drank her share.
"I'm sorry. How rude of me. Would you like some?" the blonde asked.
"No, thanks," said the brunette. "I'll just wait until the more...
Don't go on your honeymoon for longer than 5 days, or you will get a Weak End (Weekend).
Don't keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to the woman next door.
Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an Off-Spring next Spring.
Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without.
Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and she'll last for many years.
Every man has it in his power to make one woman happy...by remaining a bachelor.
Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.
Forecast for Wedding... Expected development of warm front, with extreme turbulence and moisture in lower regions. Good possibility of six inches overnight. Sun (son) is expected later on.
Friend of groom giving a toast: Here's a more...
Don't go on your honeymoon for longer than 5 days, or you will get a Weak End (Weekend).Don't keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to the woman next door.Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an Off-Spring next Spring.Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without.Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and she'll last for many years.Every man has it in his power to make one woman happy...by remaining a bachelor.Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.Forecast for Wedding... Expected development of warm front, with extreme turbulence and moisture in lower regions. Good possibility of six inches overnight. Sun (son) is expected later on.Friend of groom giving a toast: Here's a toast to your new bride who has more...
If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away and that, indeed, the whole appliance was just blowing smoke. If Hewlett-Packard made toasters... They would market the Reverse Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread. If IBM made toasters... They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters. If Xerox made toasters... You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you. If Radio Shack made toasters... The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster. If Thinking Machines made toasters... You would be able to toast 64,000 more...