Together Jokes / Recent Jokes

When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers.

The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.

"Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was the
white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?"


The crew chief said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."

>
> There were these three guys, a surd, an Italian, and a Jewish guy.
> They all worked together at a factory. Everyday they notice that
> their boss leaves work a little early. So one day they meet together
> and say that today when the boss leaves, they'll all leave early too.
> The boss left and so did they. The Jewish guy goes home and goes to
> rest so he can get an early start. The Italian guy goes home and cooks
> dinner. Our Banta goes home and walks to his bedroom. He opens the
> door slowly and sees his wife in bed with his boss so he shuts the
> door and leaves.
> The next day the Italian and Jewish guys are talking and plan to go
> home early again. They ask Banta if he wants to
> leave early again and he says,"no." They ask him why not and he
> said,"because yesterday I almost got caught!"
--

Greeting cards are getting expensive, so why not design your very own Hallmark Moment with some these sayings:"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind." "I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you." "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the heck was I thinking?" "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister." "As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy...""Thanks for being a part of my life! I never new what evil was before this!""Money is tight, times are hard, here's your @#$/& Christmas card!!!""Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again." "Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle more...

An American, Australian and Englishman where stranded together on a desert island. After many years together, one day the three men were walking on the beach when they saw an old bottle than had been washed up. Immediatley the American opened the bottle. There was a flash and a loud bang and a Genie appeared. The Genie said" I have been trapped in that bottle for a 1000 years, and as a reward I will give you all one wish"
The American straight away said "I want to go back home to New York"
With a wave of the Genie's hand, the American disappeared.
The Australian said "Please send me back to my home in Sydney"
"No Problem", the Genie answered. And the Austrialian disappear.
Suddenly there was a loud crash. Behind the Genie and the Englishman, a giant pink elephant had just fallen out of the sky onto the beach. The elephant picked himself up and looked around. He then looked at the Genie and the Englishman and said more...

Marie's funeral is a sad one as she goes to join her departed husband. Standing near the casket, a mourner keeps repeating, "At last they're together. At last they're together."
A mourner whispers, "Why are you making such a tumult? She was a tramp even when Nick was alive. What's with this nonsense...at last they're together!"
The first mourner responds, "I'm talking about her LEGS! At last they're together!"

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation.

The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following; "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.

"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, cool down lady," said the man. "Im just telling my friend how to spell Mississippi."

It's a simple feat to format and reuse AOL disks... but with a little imagination, a truly useful purpose can be found for those pesky white platters invading our mailboxes and magazines.
Mini cutting board (great for the office or the car, use metal door for knife).
Attach it to a ruler and presto! - you've got a fly swatter.
Construct a life size replica of Stonehenge.
At a restaurant, shove one under a wobbling table leg.
Money clip (use the metal door and discard the plastic case... the "rich nerd" look is IN this year).
Eye patch (for one-eyed software pirates).
Christmas ornaments (the more the merrier).
Give them to young children to use as building blocks.
Glue them to the bottom of the space shuttle and use them as re-entry burn tiles.
Dentures (melt & form them into new teeth for grandma).
Room dividers for hamsters.
Drink coasters.
Use multiple disks to create an ideal door stopper.
Ice scraper.
Bathroom more...