Toilet Jokes / Recent Jokes
An American Indian goes into the general store and says, "Me need toilet paper." The proprietor replies "I have SuperSoft at $6 for four rolls, or I have No-name at $4 for four rolls."
The Indian decides "Me take No-name." Two weeks later, the Indian returns to the store. He says, "Me have name for No-name toilet paper."
"What is it?" the owner asks. "John Wayne," says the Indian. "Why John Wayne?" the owner asks. "Because it rough, tough, and take no shit off Indian."
Q: What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's dreams every night??
A: Hanson.
Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q: What s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.
Q: How can you tell a macho women?
A: She rolls her own tampons.
Q: Why is a woman like a dog turd?
A: The older it is, the easier it is to pick up.
Q: What's the difference between a woman and a toilet?
A: A toilet doesn't follow you around once you've used it.
Q: How does a woman know that she is overweight?
A: She's lying at the beach and people from Greenpeace try to push her back into the sea.
Q: How many men does it take to fix the vacuum cleaner??
A: Why the hell should we fix it, we don't use the damn thing!
Dear Bank Manager,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account with $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to re-think my errant financial ways. You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness.
No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs in 1999, taking as my model the procedures, attitudes and conduct of your very bank. I can think of no greater more...
A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.
During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.
As she lifted one up by the armpits, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.
"No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."
Confucious say...
All who fly upside-down have crack up.
He who stand on toilet high on pot.
He who shits brick has square hole.
Fly who sit on toilet seat get pissed off.
In order to punish your cat for poor behavior, here are a list of items that the cat may write on a chalkboard. A. Fill in the blanks1. [xxx] is not food. Dental floss, plants, Kleenex, toilet paper, human's homework, photographs, shoes, sweaters, socks, the couch, electrical cords/devices, phone cord, vases of flowers, my poop, electric wiring, the rubber fish toy my human drags around for me to play with; rubber bands; Mom's toe; the HUGE fly; used Q-tips; the other cat's vomited food. 2. I will not jump on the [xxx]. kitchen counter, table, stove, barbecue, my human's full bladder at 5: 30 A. M., bed at night, TV, bed from the top of the wardrobe at night. 3. I will not sharpen my claws on the [xxx]. sofa, carpet, drapes, my human's leg, my human's boss's leg, the new speakers, wallpaper, window screen, car tires. 4. I will not pee/poop/barf a hairball on the [xxx]. floor, carpet, sofa, clean laundry, sleeping human, human's tax return, the tax auditor, TV, baby's mattress, kitchen more...