Tomorrow Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three little brothers were playing with BB's. The oldest one swallowed some and talked the other two into doing the same. A little later their Mom told them to get ready and go to bed.
In a few minutes the oldest son came running in "Momma, I just went to the bathroom and I peeped BB's. She replied "That's OK, they will all be gone by tomorrow". A little later the second son came running in "Momma, Momma, I just went to the bathroom and I peeped BB's.
Again she replied "That's OK,they will be gone by tomorrow." About 30 minutes later here came the last little boy running in all excited. "momma, Momma". She spoke up and said, "I know, I know. You went to the bathroom and you peeped BB's. Don't worry they will all be gone tomorrow."
The little boy spoke up "No, No Momma. I farted and shot the dog."
Heard April 10 on the Rush Limbaugh show:
God decided He was finally fed up with the human race and decided to end
it for good. He called up a reporter at the New York Times to tell him
the news: The world would end the day after tomorrow.
The reporter tried to talk God out of it, but God was firm and wouldn't
be swayed. The reporter then asked if he had an exclusive. God said that
He was going to call three other newspapers.
Headlines the next day:
The New York Times:
"God says world to end tomorrow; story and analysis on page B11."
The Wall Street Journal:
"God says world to end tomorrow; market to close early"
USA Today:
"IT'S OVER!"
The Washington Post:
"God says world to end tomorrow; women and minorities hardest hit."
OFFICE MEMO:
From: Managing Director
To: Vice President
"Tomorrow morning there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o'clock. This is something which we cannot see everyday. So let all employees line up outside, in their best clothes to watch it. To mark the occasion of this rare occurrence, I will personally explain the phenomenon to them. If it is raining we will not be able to see it very well and in that case the employees should assemble in the canteen."
From: Vice President
To: General Manager
"By order of the Managing Director, there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o' clock tomorrow morning. If it is raining we will not be able to see it in our best clothes, on the site. In this case the disappearance of the sun will be followed through in the canteen. This is something we cannot see happening everyday."
From: General manager
To: Industry Managers
"By order of the Managing Director, we shall more...
One sunny afternoon Superman was out flying around. Crime was slow that day, so he decided to go over to Spiderman's house. Superman: "Hey Spidey, let's go get a burger and a beer!" Spidey: "No, Superman. I've got a problem with my Web-shooter. Can't fight crime tomorrow without it". So Superman heads over to the Bat Cave to see what's up. Superman: "Hey, Batman! Let's go get a burger and a beer!" Batman: "Not today, my friend. My Bat Mobile is down and it must be fixed today. Can't fight crime tomorrow without it". Disgruntled, Superman takes to the air, cruising around the skies when he flies over a penthouse apartment. And what to his supervision does he see, but none other than Wonder Woman, lying on the deck, spread-eagle, stark-naked! Superman gets a brilliant idea: "They've always said I'm faster than a speeding bullet and I've always wondered what she'd be like with all her Wonder Powers". So he zzoooooommms down and does her more...
Morris calls his son in NY and says, "Jimmy, I have something to tell you. However, I don't want to
discuss it. I'm merely telling you because you're my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know.
I've made up my mind, I'm divorcing mother."
The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened. "I don't want to get into it. My
mind is made up."
"But Dad, you just can't decide to divorce Mom just like that after 54 years together. What
happened?"
"It's too painful to talk about it. I only called because you're my son, and I thought you should
know. I really don't want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It
will spare me the pain."
"But where's Mom? Can I talk to her?"
"No, I don't want you to say anything to her about it. I haven't told her yet. Believe me it hasn't
been easy. I've agonized over it for several days, and more...