Tomorrow Jokes / Recent Jokes

"My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected."
(CIO of Dell Computers)Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the memo more...

Heard from my sister-in-law, can't say where she heard it.
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his
wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns
over and says, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a Gyn. appointment tomorrow."
The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. Later, he rolls
back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear
"Do you have a Dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable the food is terrible It's too hot, It's too cold and the accommodations are awful.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.
"Good luck will be following you all your days, if you kiss the Blarney Stone," the guide said.
"Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."
"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone."
"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."
"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.
"No, ma'am," the irritated guide said, "but I've sat more...

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful.The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,"the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one willbe able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow.""We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone.""Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune.""And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed."No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The seats in the bus are uncomfortable; the food is terrible; it's too hot; it's too cold; the accommodations are horrible; and on and on.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone," the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today, so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."
"We can't come back tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So, I guess we won't be able to kiss the stupid stone."
"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."
"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.
"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide more...

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses. 3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them. 5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations. 6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given. 7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero. 8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year. 9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind. 10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it. 11. I obey the law of inverse excuses more...

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm.

His wife turned over and said,' 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'' Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again.

This time he whispered in her ear,' 'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?''