Tomorrow Jokes / Recent Jokes

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts
rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over! and says "I'm sorry
honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay
fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he
rolls back over and taps his wife again "Do you have a dentist
appointment tomorrow too?"

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.

A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn''t show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I''m depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don''t know," he said. "Radio is broken."

President Yeltsin, President Clinton and Bill Gates are invited to have
dinner with God. During dinner He tells them: "I needed three important
people to send my message out to all the people: Tomorrow I will destroy
the Earth."
Yeltsin immediately calls together his cabinet and announces: "I have two
really bad news items. God really exists, and tomorrow he will destroy the
earth."
Clinton calls an emergency meeting of congress and announces: "I have good
news and bad news. The good news is God really does exist; the bad news is
tomorrow he's destroying the Earth."
Gates goes back to Microsoft and tells his employees: "I have two pieces of
great news. First, I am one of the three most important people on earth,
and second, I think I've got the Y2K problem fixed."

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner He told the three mortals:

"I invited you here because I need three important people to send my message out to all people - Tomorrow I will destroy the earth."

After dinner, Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them, "I have bad news and worse news for you:

i. God really exists, and

ii. Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."

Clinton called an Emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them, "I have Good news and Bad News:

i. The good news is: God really does exist.

ii. The bad news is: tomorrow He's destroying the earth."

Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and happily announced, "I have two fantastic announcements:

i. I am one of the three most important people on earth.

ii. The Year 2000 problem is solved."

President Yeltsin, President Clinton and Bill Gates are invited to havedinner with God. During dinner He tells them: "I needed three importantpeople to send my message out to all the people: Tomorrow I will destroythe Earth."Yeltsin immediately calls together his cabinet and announces: "I have tworeally bad news items. God really exists, and tomorrow he will destroy theearth."Clinton calls an emergency meeting of congress and announces: "I have goodnews and bad news. The good news is God really does exist; the bad news istomorrow he's destroying the Earth."Gates goes back to Microsoft and tells his employees: "I have two pieces ofgreat news. First, I am one of the three most important people on earth, and second, I think I've got the Y2K problem fixed."

"Look at ME!" boasted the fit old man, pounding a very flat and firm stomach, having just finished 100 situps before a group of young people.
"Fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after loose women!"
He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes aglitter, "And tomorrow - tomorrow, I'm going to celebrate my *90th* birthday!"
"Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers, "How?"

I went to the video shop and said "Can I have Batman Forever" - he said "No, just until tomorrow". I said "What about Another 48 Hours?". He said "No, tomorrow". I said "Have you got Spaceballs", he said, "No I'm just wearing baggy trousers".