Tomorrow Jokes / Recent Jokes
Paul got a part time job at the Post Office. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail.
Paul separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur.
Extremely pleased by this, the supervisor approached Paul at the end of his first day. " I just want you to know," the supervisor said, " that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had."
" Thank you, Sir" said Paul, beaming, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better."
" Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. " How can you possibly do any better than you did today?"
Paul replied, "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses."
I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message after the tone, you might have to deal with me in person.
I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message after the tone, you might have to deal with me in person.
Here are some of the submissions of actual comments, notices, and statements coming out of different companies:
As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning entry; Fred Dales at Microsoft Corporation )
What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)
How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff? (Programming intern, Microsoft IIS Development team)
E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting Mgr., Electric Boat Company)
This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Mktg. Mgr., UPS)
Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved more...
Bored Superman
One sunny afternoon Superman was out flying around. Crime was
slow that
day,
so he decided to go over to Spiderman's house.
"Hey Spidey, let's go get a burger and a beer!".
"No cando, Supe. I've got a problem with my Web-shooter. Can't
fight
crime
tomorrow without it".
So Superman heads over to the Bat Cave to see what's up. "Hey,
Batman!
Let's go get a burger and a beer!"
"Not today, my friend. My BatMobile is down and it must be fixed
today.
Can't
fight crime tomorrow without it".
Disgruntled, Superman takes to the air, cruising around the skies
when
he flies over a penthouse apartment. And what to his SuperVision
does
he see, but none other than WonderWoman, lying on the deck,
spread-
eagle, stark-naked! Superman gets a brilliant idea:
"They've always said I'm faster than a speeding bullet and more...
Mahathir was so disappointed with his cabinet for being inefficient and corrupt that he decided to call on Goh Chok Tong and ask him how he managed to have such an efficient and incorruptible cabinet. On hearing Mahathir's woes, PM Goh said,' Simple, Mahathir, I choose able men for my cabinet.' Mahathir asked,' Yes, but how do you know that they are able?' PM Goh replied,' Just ask them simple questions to test their intelligence. They don't need to be too difficult. Let me illustrate to you.' Just then, Tony Tan was walking by, PM Goh called out to him,' Hey Tony, come over here.' Tony obediently walked briskly over. PM Goh asked,' Tell me, Tony, who is your father's son? ' Tony Tan immediately replied,' Me! Of course.' PM Goh turned to Mahathir and said,' See, all my ministers can answer this question. Why don't you go back and try.' Mahathir thank PM Goh and left. Once he was back, he immediately summoned Anwar, his deputy, and shot the question at him,' Tell me, Anwar, who is your more...
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."