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Santa Singh Died And Went To Heaven. When He Got To The Pearly Gate Saint Peter Told Him That New Rules Were In Effect Due To The Advances In Education On Earth. In Order To Gain Admittance A Prospective Heavenly Soul Must Answer Two Questions: 1. Name Two Days Of The Week That Begin With “T”. 2. How Many Seconds Are There In A Year? Santa Thought For A Few Minutes And Answered…1. The Two Days Of The Week That Begin With “T” Are Today And Tomorrow. 2. There Are 12 Seconds In A Year. Saint Peter Said, “Ok, I’ll Buy The Today And Tomorrow, Even Though It’s Not The Answer I Expected, So Your Answer Is Correct. But How Did You Get Only 12 Seconds In A Year? ”Santa Replied, “Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, Etc…. ”Saint Peter Lets Him In Without Another Word”

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned over and said,' 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'' Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep.

A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he whispered in her ear,' 'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?''

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the thing he predicted yesterday did not happen today.

You may wish to delay reading this until you have more free time.
PROCRASTINATOR'S CREED
I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in propoartion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to recieve from missing them.
I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possiblity for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
I truely believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
I will never put off tomorrow, what I can more...

A man walks into the bathroom, and steps up to a urinal. He can't help but notice the short man at the urinal next to him, and the large penis this man has. He says to the short man, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice what a large penis you have." The short man replies, "I am a leprechaun, and I can grant you three wishes." The man is kind of skeptical, but he decides to believe him anyway. "OK, "He says, "I want to live in a mansion." The short man replies, "Sure. Tomorrow morning you will wake up in it." The man says, "Next, I want a beautiful girlfriend." "OK, "the short man replies, "Tomorrow you will wake up next to her." The man is still not sure whether to believe him, but he continues." I want a penis as large as yours." "Alright, but there is one catch, the short man replies. "What's that, the man asks?" "I have to have sex with you from behind, the short man more...

The other day Prem was having his usual morning walk along the Galle Face green. When he is walking
near the old parliamentary bulding he heard a voice,
"Oh.. i, Premadasa, come here man"
Bit surprized, and at the same time a bit angry he looked around to see who this guy dared to address
the Prime Minister (he was the PM then) by name. Only JR and Hemavo did call him by name. He saw
nobody, because it's still very early in the morning and Galle Face green is almost empty of people. So,
he started his walk again and only after few steps he heard the same voice, loder this time,
"Oh.. i, Premadasa, don't you hear me. Come here man."
Puzzled, he looked around and stood agaped when he saw that it was the statue of D. S. calling him.
"Premadasa, you should bring me a horse tomorrow, it's a long time since I had a horse ride."
"Eh. Yeh.. Yes, sir. Eh. I d.. d.. definitely will." stammered Prem and was more...

A man walks into the bathroom, and steps up to a urinal. He can't help but notice the short man at the urinal next to him, and the large penis this man has.He says to the short man, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice what a large penis you have." The short man replies, "I am a leprechaun, and I can grant you three wishes."The man is kind of skeptical, but he decides to believe him anyway. "OK, "He says, "I want to live in a mansion." The short man replies, "Sure. Tomorrow morning you will wake up in it."The man says, "Next, I want a beautiful girlfriend." "OK, "the short man replies, "Tomorrow you will wake up next to her." The man is still not sure whether to believe him, but he continues."I want a penis as large as yours." "Alright, but there is one catch, the short man replies. "What's that, the man asks?" "I have to have sex with you from behind, the short man says.The more...