Tomorrow Jokes / Recent Jokes

More than 32 Million Americans Could Benefit
MIAMI, FL, March 31 -- Burger King Corporation today announced the launch of the new Left Handed WHOPPER, which will become available nationwide tomorrow. America's most preferred premium hamburger will feature the trademark build of lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles, mayonnaise, ketchup and 4-ounce flame broiled hamburger patty, but the newly designed sandwich has been re-engineered to fit more comfortably in the left hand, thereby reducing condiment "spills" for left-handed hamburger lovers. It is estimated that more than 1. 4 million left-handed customers visit U. S. Burger King restaurants each day.
The new left-handed sandwich will have all condiments rotated 180 degrees, thereby redistributing the weight of the sandwich so that the bulk of the condiments will skew to the left, thereby reducing the amount of lettuce and other toppings from spilling out the right side of the burger.
"We have always been more...

3 men were at work and they went to have their lunchbreaks.The 1st man had chocolate spread sandwich as usual.He said "if my wife makes me the same sandwich tomorrow, i swear i will kill myself".
The 2nd man had tuna sandwich as usual he said "if i have the same sandwich tomorrow, ill kill myself too".The 3rd man had peanut butter sandwich again"he said if i have the same sandwich tomorrow ill kill myself too.
the next day they all got the same sandwich so they killed themselves.At the funeral, the 1st wife said "he should have told me he wanted a different sandwich".
the 2nd said the same.
the 3rd said"i dont know why my husband killed himself, he made his own sandwiches"

After the warm rain
the sweet smell of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?
****
Her lips near my ear,
Aunt Sadie whispers the name
of her friend's disease.
****
Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
to the seventh grade.
****
Testing the warm milk
on her wrist, she sighs softly.
But her son is forty.
****
The sparkling blue sea
reminds me to wait an hour
after my sandwich.
****
Lacking fins or tail
the gefilte fish swims with
great difficulty.
****
Like a bonsai tree,
your terrible posture
at my dinner table.
****
Beyond Valium,
the peace of knowing one's child
is an internist.
****
Jews on safari -
map, compass, elephant gun,
hard sucking candies.
****
The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing:
I got it at Loehmann's.
****
The shivah visit:
so sorry about your loss.
Now back to my problems.
****
Mom, more...

This joke sucks.... One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps hiswife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over andsays, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and Iwant to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This timehe whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

A man goes to his doctor for an annual check up.
The doctor says "I'll require you to come back tomorrow with a urine sample, a poo sample and a sperm sample".
The man replies "Right so doctor, I'll bring'em by tomorrow"
When he gets home his wife askes "Well what did he say? "
The man replies "He desires me to bring in a pair of your underwear."

Jan 3rd, 1995
I have long heard of the lives of the privileged classes, and now I have prepared myself to experience life as a member. Tomorrow, I will don the the uniform of the academic and re-enter society, NOT as I once was, a worker and pawn of the educated classes, but as a peer of those very people. Tomorrow, I shall become an academic!

Jan 4th, 1995
Dressed in a pair of green slacks with shortened legs, red cardigan and egg-yolk-stained tee-shirt; sporting a scraggly beard and armed only with a pipe, I stepped onto the University Campus. Immediately upon mumbling some incomprehensible gibberish, I was greeted on with respect and awe by my fellow academia. Applying for tenure was simple. The questions were very direct:

They: Do you know what you`re doing?
Me: This is Belgium, right?
They: You have a masters in English?
Me: I have a Red Volvo!
They: And you`re applying for a position in the department of Physics?
Me: I more...

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"