Tony Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dawn was breaking over the camp grounds. Tony and Steve were lying in their tent.' That was a terrible thunder and lightening storm last night,' Tony announced. Steve turned to him and said,' Why didn't you wake me up? You know I can't sleep during a storm!'

Inspired by the NY Giants win yesterday, Tony Orlando and Dawn announced this morning that they are going to remake their classic hit, "Knock three times" into "Kick three Tynes...if you want to go to the Super Bowl"

Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know who's-a George Washington?"

Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?"

He says, "Hah, you be dumb! George-a Washington's the first-a President of- a United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U. S.-a citizen."

A couple of days later, Giuseppi comes to work and says. "Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"

Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"

He says, "Hah stupid! Abaham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a the United States. I'm-ago to night school every night. I learn all about-a United States history, and become-a U. S.-a citizen."

A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi. . . you so-a smart, you know who Fishlips Picollini is?"

Giuseppi says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Picollini more...

One day, tony saw a strange funeral procession passing by. there were 2 coffins, a man, a dog & a long line of men. Tony asked
The man in front, "what's going on?" he replied, "this dog bit my wife & mother-in-law, and they both died". "what a
Wonderful dog!"tony said."can i have it for 1 day?" "get in the line!"

A guy walks into a bar one day, sits down, and claims he knows everyone in the world. The guy sitting next to him says "I don't believe you - do you know me?" The first guy says, "Sure Phil, we met two years ago at a convention - my name is Tony - remember?" The second guy says, "Okay, I remember, but I still don't believe you know everyone." So he asks Tony if he knows the bartender. Tony and the bartender, of course, go way back. The bartender confirms this. Phil tries to think of someone Tony couldn't possibly know. So he says to Tony, "Do you know Bill Clinton?" Tony replies, "Oh yeah, Bill and I smoked dope back at Oxford together." To prove it, he calls Bill Clinton on the President's private line. The two have a 20 minute conversation before hanging up. Phil is now determined to come up with someone Tony would never be able to know. This time he says, "How about the Pope?" The only way to prove this is to go to the more...

One day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500 pound, stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it.
Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So off he went with this enormous woman, pretending to be happy.
As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. Carlos was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he was with. When he approached Carlos he asked him what was going on, and Carlos replied, "I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money...even more then you did."
They both shook their heads in understanding and figured that as long as they have to be with these women, they might as well hang out together to help pass the more...

One day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500 pound, stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven. So off he went with this enormous woman, pretending to be happy.As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. Carlos was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he was with. When he approached Carlos he asked him what was going on, and Carlos replied, "I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money...even more then you did." They both shook their heads in understanding and figured that as long as they have to be with these women, they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.Now more...