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A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you. B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!! C is for Call ya later. She won't. She never has before. D is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained? E is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her more...

You get on with your partner.
There is anxious anticipation as you start.
You start slowly, climbing your way to the top.
There are smiles exchanged, and giggles, maybe even handholding.
The excitement builds and builds.
It nears the top.
The expressions on the faces become wondrous and excited.
Then as it hits the pinnacle, things move very fast.
There/'s a quick motion, the heart races with complete excitement, faces are all in total pleasure.
Arms are flailing, heads are bouncing, and there is some noticeable screaming going on.
The rest of the ride is up and down., twisting and turning, lots of bumping, sometimes in the light, sometimes in the dark. Sometimes there is a surprise and sometimes it becomes all too familiar but always, always at the end, there is a big smile on the face. Hair is all messed up, and everyone is talking about how great it is, while some of them will say

It wasn't long after the town grocer gave his beautiful teen-age daughter a job as clerk in his store that the local wolves began dropping by almost daily with requests for items stocked on the highest shelves, since each time the pretty little thing had to climb up a ladder to fill their orders, they were assured a spectacular view. Being as naive as she was attractive, the daughter didn't catch on; she tried rearranging the stock a few times, but no matter how she planned it, her male customers always seemed to ask for the items she put at the top. One day an elderly gent happened to enter the store while a contingent of these young cads was sending the poor girl up and down the ladder, each one in turn ordering a loaf of raisin bread from the top shelf. Hoping to save herself an additional trip while still aloft on her eighth successive climb to the same height, the girl called down to the senior citizen, "Is yours
raisin, too?"
"Nope," said the more...

Are you in the top half of your class? No, I'm one of the students who make the top half possible!

Lesson Number One A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. Lesson Number Two A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was more...

A search and rescue team had been assembled and sent on a mission to find an airplane that had crashed on top of a mountain. It was their duty to rescue any survivors. After finally reaching the top of the mountain, they came upon the crash site. At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone.

As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of bones, he noticed the rescue team.' 'Thank God'', he cried out in relief.' 'I am saved!'' The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades.

The Survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame.' 'You can't judge me for this,'' he insisted.' 'I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?'' The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief.' 'I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man, your plane only went down more...

10. None of his shirts cover your stomach.

9. His one T-shirt is offensive in 13 states.

8. Birds are attracted to his beard.

7. You recently wore a tube top to a wedding.

6. He has been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

5. He needs an estimate from his barber before he gets a haircut.

4. His very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

3. His best coat is black and red checkered.

2. He recently wore shorts to a funeral parlor.

1. He considers tomato sauce to be a fashion statement.