Tourist Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Italian tourist is visiting London for the first time in his life and speaks no English. After looking at monuments around town he gets lost. It is midday and he is getting hungry,... he takes out his dictionary and starts looking at shops to find a restaurant, Chemist = farmacia, No! Newsagent=Giornalaio. No! Real Estate=Immobiliare. No!. ..and so on until he he sees a shop with the sign "HOT DOGS" He looks at the translation and thinks " They eat dogs, how disgusting!... " After looking around some more, he cannot find another restaurant and thinks: I`m hungry, if they can eat dogs, so can I!. He goes in, takes out his dictionary and with apprehension orders one hot dog. When the waitress brings him the hot dog, he looks at it for a moment and says: - Please... I will eat any part of of the dog. .. except THAT ONE!...

The frightened tourist: "Are there any bats in this cave?" The guide: "There were, but don't worry, the snakes ate all of them."

Tourist: Is this 99 Main Street? Resident: No, its 66, but we turn it upside down to confuse people.

The tourist: "Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?"

A tourist guide in Gujarat used to advertise "The Dev Anand guide, the best guide knowing every inch of Gujarat."
An American touring party hired him to see Gujarat.
The guide was hopelessly wandering, changing the directions, and driving the touring party around for a long tie with a tremendous anxiety on his forehead.

The tourist party sensed he was lost. "This is ridiculous," one exasperated tourist said to the Dev Anand guide, "you told us that you were the best tourist guide in the state of Gujarat who knew every inch of land. Wasn't that true?"

"No that is true," Replied Dev Anand, "but you see we are somewhere in Marwar now!"

The tourist
A Swiss tourist in Tel Aviv is looking for directions and pulls up at a bus stop where two Israelis are waiting.
”Entschuldigung Sie Bitte, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he says.
The two Israelis just stare at him.
“Excusey-moi, parlez vous Francais?”
The two continue to stare.
“Parlare Italiano?”
No response.
“Hablan ustedes Espanol?”
Still nothing.
The Swiss tourist drives off, extremely disgusted and frustrated. The first Israeli turns to his friend and says, “You know, maybe we should learn a foreign language…”
“Why?” says his friend, “that bloke knew four languages and that didn’t do him any good!”

An American tourist was visiting a quaint country village, and got talking to a farmer in the local pub. "And have you lived here all your life, Sir?" asked the American. "Not yet, m'dear," said the farmer wisely.