Tourist Jokes / Recent Jokes
A snobbish tourist was visiting a small Australian village when he noticed a local man wearing a highly ornate necklace that featured 10 alligator teeth. He approached the man and in a condescending manner said, "Goodness, what a fancy necklace! I guess you people must value alligator teeth the same way my people value pearls."The man replied, "Well, anyone can open up an oyster."
Tourist: The flies are awfully thick around here. Don't you ever shoo them? Native: No, we just let them go barefoot.
An old Jewish peddler ambled down a street in Tel Aviv carrying two
large watermelons. A tourist stopped him to ask, "Where is Ben Yehuda
Street?"
The peddler answered, "Please hold these two watermelons."
The tourist managed to gather them in his arms, whereupon the peddler
made an expansive gesture with his hands and exclaimed petulantly, "How
should I know?"
Bruce, a middle-aged Australian tourist, visits the red light district of Amsterdam and enters a large brothel. It's his first time in Europe.
The Madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the prospective client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams and runs away!
Seeing this, the Madam sends a more experienced lady over to entertain the gentleman.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He again whispers in her ear and she screams and runs away!
The Madam decides that only the most experienced lady, Lola, would do!
Lola looks a bit tired, but there is nothing she hasn't done already and absolutely nothing would surprise her. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams louder than the more...
A Japanese tourist arrived in New Delhi. While travelling in a taxi, he happened to observe that everything in India moved at a slower pace compared to his own country. Unable to contain himself, he said to the taxi-driver, "Your taxis are too slow, Japanese taxis go very fast. Look at your buses, they ply at a snail's pace. In Japan, buses run like hell. Look at the speed of your motorcycles. Japanese motorcycles seem to talk to the air."
At the end of the journey, the taxi fare amounted to Rs. 100.
"What!" exclaimed the furious Japanese "your taxi-metre runs too fast."
"Yes, why not?" spewed the taxi-driver. "It's after all made in Japan, Sir!"
A tourist in San Francisco is walking around in Chinatown and sees a sign that says "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry". Moishe Plotnik??? Where the heck does that come from???
So he walks in and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. He asks, "How did a place like this get a name like "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry?"
The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
The tourist asks, "Well who and where is the owner?"
"Me right here," replies the old man.
"You? How did YOU get a name like Moishe Plotnik?"
"Is simple...Many year ago when come to this country, standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is Jewish gentleman from Poland. Lady look at him and go, "What's your name?" He say, "Moishe Plotnik." Then she look at me and go, "What your name?" I say, "Sem Ting...."
A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in South Africa, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The tourist then queries how old the temple is. "This temple is 1503 years old", replies the guide. Impressed at this accurate dating, he inquires as to how he gave this precise figure. "Easy", replies the guide, "the archaeologists said the temple was 1500 years old, and that was three years ago."