Tournament Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many people at a chess tournament does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Here is the current state of research... You need one to complain about the lighting. A second will say he thinks the light is fine. A third suggests the tournament director be called, and number four fetches him. An aged player (5) reminisces about the lighting levels at Nottingham 1936. The director (6) can't be found, but his deputy (7) arrives. Player eight says that if they increase the lighting levels it will reflect into his eyes. Number nine says they should have fluorescent lighting. Player ten says it's just a question of replacing the dead lightbulb, but player 11 thinks the bulb hasn't been working properly since the tournament began. The deputy arbiter asks an assistant arbiter (12) to make up a sign: 'Bulb defective.' A democrat (13) suggests taking a vote on whether to change the bulb and a businessman (14) forms the lightbulb changing association (LCA) as a pressure group to argue for more...

Ever wonder why golf is growing in popularity and people who don't even play go to tournaments or watch it on TV? These truisms may shed light on reasons why.

Golf is an honorable game, with the overwhelming majority of players being honorable people who don't need referees.

Golfers don't have some of their players in jail every week.

Golfers don't scratch their privates on the golf course.

Golfers don't kick dirt on, or throw bottles at, other people.

Professional golfers are compensated in direct proportion to how well they play.

Golfers don't get per diem and two seats on a charter flight when they travel between tournaments.

Golfers don't hold out for more money, or demand new contracts, because of another player's deal.

Professional golfers don't demand that the taxpayers pay for the courses on which they play.

When golfers make a mistake, nobody is there to cover for them or back more...

William Herrman, 70, was shot dead by a shotgun blast during a skeet tournament at The Old Fisherman Club.

In a bizarre twist of events, a man was killed by a fishing lure during a bass tournament down at The Old Shotgun Club.

A man and wife were playing in their club's annual "Guys and Dolls" tournament. The man was not happy about having to play, but his wife had insisted. On the 12th tee, his patience had reached its limit. While his wife wasted time on the ladies tee, he decided to go ahead and hit his drive from the men's. Unfortunately, he misjudged his shot and his ball hit his wife in the back of the head, killing her instantly. At the hospital the doctor came to talk to the husband. "Mr. Davies, we found a golf ball lodged 3 inches into your wife's brain, which was the cause of death. But, we have found something else that really puzzles us." "What is it?" asked Mr. Davies. "Well," said the doctor, "we also found a golf ball lodged 6 inches into her anal cavity." The husband dismissed the doctor with a wave of his hand "Oh, that was just my Mulligan!"

There was a guy so addicted to golf that all he did is go out on the links every single day. He had ambitions of making it to the Pros, so he took his game very seriously. One windy day while playing in the finals of a a tournament, the guy was in contention, so he played every shot with utmost care and concentration. After all the scores were submitted, he was declared the winner of the tournament. He went home to his wife with the trophy and some small cash prize.

He kept repeating his round over dinner. The wife, who is not the least bit interested in golf, got up and went to bed early. The guy follows after a few hours, still high on his golf championship. At around two in the morning, the wife jumps up and screams at her husband, who also gets startled and wakes up.

"What happened? Why are you screaming?" the guy asked his wife.

"Why wouldn't I shout? You just pulled a patch of hair from my privates and threw it up in the air!"

The NCAA is on the verge of expanding the men's basketball tournament to 96 teams. They also plan on reducing the women's tournament to UConn.

You need a second job (or your parents do) just to pay for gloves, bats, equipment, uniforms, player fees, batting cages, etc... Your second job is umpiring at softball games. Your idea of spending quality time with your spouse is playing on the same co-ed team. You have more than one bat that cost over $200. You go to the softball fields on nights your team isn't even playing. You used to rest and relax on the weekends, now the only rest you get is between games at a tournament. You think "wearing something nice" means an all-tournament shirt with no dirt stains. When someone says they are going out of town this weekend you ask if there is a tournament there. All your white socks have dirt stains from playing softball. Your idea of a weekend getaway is a two-day tournament in (insert town name). You have a tattoo that says softball forever. You plan your summer vacation each year around the state softball tournament. You own more softball t-shirts than pairs of underwear. more...