Tournament Jokes / Recent Jokes

One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a Judo tournament. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don''t have a chance, I have Kano, Mifune, Kotani, Kimura and all the greatest players up here".

"Yes", snickered the Devil, "but I have all the referees."

Q: How many Contract Bridge players does it take to change a Light Bulb?
A: Five. One to change it; their partner to stare at them in complete confusion; one opposing player to ask the partner what they think the changer means by this; the other opponent to complain to the tournament director that there was a deliberate hesitation before the light bulb was changed; and the tournament director to agree and have the old bulb put back in.

You instructor has a Grandmasters Certificate. In Crayon. The Senior Assistant Instructor is a 4 year old black belt. The sign in the window says the school trains in more than 10 martial arts. It's a Korean art. Your instructor tries to sell you Amway products. While examining the schools tournament trophies, you find 3 for spelling bees. Reading the contract for the school is considered a kata (and a long one at that). No one sweats. While at a tournament, your opponent finds out who your teacher is and high-fives his teacher. When paying for your belt examinations, the instructor asks: "Do you want fries with that?"

Q: How many people at a chess tournament does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Nine. One to complain about the lighting levels, one to say he thinks the lighting is OK, one to suggest someone calls the arbiter, one to go and call the arbiter, one to reminisce about lighting levels at the 1947 tournament at Hastings, one to complain about the disturbance the others are causing, both arbiters, and one to say he thought the lighting was better before they changed the lightbulb.

Q: How many people at a chess tournament does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Here is the current state of research... You need one to complain about the lighting. A second will say he thinks the light is fine. A third suggests the tournament director be called, and number four fetches him. An aged player (5) reminisces about the lighting levels at Nottingham 1936. The director (6) can't be found, but his deputy (7) arrives. Player eight says that if they increase the lighting levels it more...

Q: How many people at a chess tournament does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Nine. One to complain about the lighting levels, one to say he thinks the lighting is OK, one to suggest someone calls the arbiter, one to go and call the arbiter, one to reminisce about lighting levels at the 1947 tournament at Hastings, one to complain about the disturbance the others are causing, both arbiters, and one to say he thought the lighting was better before they changed the lightbulb.