Towards Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy sitting at an airport bar noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant; but which airline does she work for?"
Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and said, "Love to fly and it shows?"
She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, she doesn't work for Delta.
A few seconds later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?"
She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself and scratched American Airlines off of the list.
Next he tried "I would really love to fly your friendly skies?"
This time the woman barked back at him "Man, what the fu*k do you want?"
The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, "Ahhh, Air Canada".

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says, "How is the singing career going?"
Stevie Wonder says, "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way how is the golf."
Nicklaus replies: "Not too bad, I am not winning as much as I used to but I'm still making a bit of money. I have some problems with my swing but I think I've got that right now."
"I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be all right," says Stevie.
"You play golf!?" asks Jack.
Stevie says, "Yes, I have been playing for years."
"But I thought you were blind; how can you play golf if you are blind?" Jack asks.
" I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the more...

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Randy; he'll service every chicken you've got. No problem."
Well, Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Randy. The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a pep talk, " Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here and you cost me a lot of money and I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said with a chuckle.
Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points towards the hen house and Randy took off like a shot ~WHAM~ He nails every hen on there THREE or FOUR times and the farmer is just shocked. Randy runs out of the hen house and sees a flock of geese down by the lake ~WHAM~ He gets more...

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says, "How's the singing career going?"
Stevie Wonder says, "Not too bad, the latest album's gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it's pretty good. By the way, how's the golf?"
Nicklaus replies, "Not too bad. I m not winning as much as I used to but I'm still making a bit of money. I had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that worked out now."
"I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be all right," says Stevie.
"You play golf!?" asks Jack.
Stevie says, "Yes, I've been playing for years."
"But I thought you're blind! How can you play golf if you are blind?" Jack asks.
"I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball more...

A man walked into a curio shop in Galveston Texas. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very life-like, life-size bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it looked so striking that he decided he must have it. He took it to the owner and asked, "How much is the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat; a hundred dollars if you bring it back," said the owner.
The man gave the shop owner twelve dollars. "I'll take the rat - and I won't be bringing it back."
As he walked down the street carrying the bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of alleys and sewers, and began following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting, so he began to walk a little bit faster. Within a couple of blocks, the group of rats behind him grew to over a hundred, and they began squealing.
He started to trot towards the harbor. He took a nervous look around and saw that the rats numbered in the thousands, maybe in the more...

An Antartian was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it.
The Antartian asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"
The man replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie?
Here's one that goes nicely with your robe."
The Antartian shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"
"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 4 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they'll give you all the water you want."
The Antartian thanked him and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared. Three hours later the Antartian came crawling back to where the man was sitting behi

Some people say that when you die you should head towards the light. Try telling that to a mosquito, "Man thats HOW I died!"