Toys Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Thank you - we're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. 5. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't care. 6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and inexperienced. 7. What am I - flypaper for freaks!? 8. I'm not being rude. I'm just ignoring you. 9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. 10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. 11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of calories to burn off. 12. Yes, he is an agent of Satan, but his duties are largely ceremonial. 13. No, my powers can only be used for good. 14. How about never? Is never good for you? 15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people realize I'm right. 16. Your idea seems reasonable... Time to up my medication. more...

There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Who was the survivor?
The perfect woman. Everyone knows there is no such thing as Santa Claus or a perfect man.
(A Male's Response)
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car more...

"Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.
After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.
Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Who was the survivor?
(Scroll down for the answer.)
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The perfect woman more...

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship,
they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car
(a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of
the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any
children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into
their vehicle. soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the
driving conditions deteriorated andthe perfect couple and Santa Claus had an
accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the more...

USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK: I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. No, my powers can only be used for good. How about never? Is never good for you? I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. I don't work more...

One day a little boy and a little girl are outside playing together and they get into an argument.
The little boy holds up an army man and says " I bet you don't have one of these!"
The little girl finds her army man and holds it up "Yes I do!" she says in a superior tone.
The little boy looks through his toys and holds up a dump truck and says "Well I bet you don't have one of these!"
Once again the little girl looks through her toys and finds a dump truck and holds it up and says "Oh yes I do!" in a superior tone.
The little boy is starting to get mad so he looks through his toys and finally finds a cap gun. He holds it up and yells "Well I bet you don't have one of these!"
The little girl finds her cap gun and holds it up "Oh yes I do!" in a very snooty voice.
At this point the little boy has had it so he stands up and whips his pants down to his knees and points to his crotch and proclaims more...

This one sounds better spoken because of the ryhmes. Try it out loud...
Santa, making his rounds, is in a house, when he is approached by a attractive young lass...
"Santa will you stay and play with me?"
"Ho Ho Ho, I gotta go, got to get these toys to the kids you know." and he disappears up the chimmney.
In the next house, he is approached by a another attractive young woman, this one has her robe quite open, with a wonderful veiw of her chest.
"Santa will you stay and play with me?"
"Ho Ho Ho, I gotta go, got to get these toys to the kids you know." and he disappears up the chimmney.
In the next house, he is greeted by yet another attraqctive woman, whom is laying fully undressed on a rug in front of the fireplace.
"Santa will you stay and play with me?"
"Hey, Hey, Hey, might as well stay, can't get up the chimmney with my dick this way!"