Toys Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor? The perfect woman. She's the only one that really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. * A Male's Response * So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have more...
There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.
Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor?
The perfect woman.
She's the only one that really existed in the first place.
Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man..
* A Male's Response *
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa more...
What does Santa say to the toys on Christmas Eve?
Okay everyone, sack time
1757
The great stables are built, and scientists are secretly hired by
Claus II to begin an ambitious project that of breeding and
training reindeer to fly.
1773
The flying reindeer are achieved and become Claus II and III's
major form of transportation.
1774
A mutant reindeer, named Rudolf, is born whose nose emits light.
He becomes an outcast of the reindeer society, and is taken in by
the Claus government. Claus II celebrates his 50th birthday,
inviting several other world leaders for a stay at his castle. To
impress them, he displays a lavish show of wealth, all at the
elves' expense. He gives the other leaders the impression of a
dictatorship under the guise of royalty. The elves sense this,
and the seeds of rebellion are planted.
1777
As conditions become increasingly strict, the elves begin to search
for a leader to lead their revolt. Rudolf, still in favor of more...
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer...
A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.
Please read the following carefully.
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however,
there are a few differences between us...
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that more...
Dear Boys and Girls,
Well, it's that time of year again and once again I am busting my
ass to get everything done in time for my big night. What a pain
it has been. Shortages from Japan, elves who don't know shit
about electronic toys, a sleigh that is falling apart and then I
caught the Missus fooling around with one of the elves. Who knew?
I always thought the little bastards were gay!
I really am getting too old for this shit. It used to be so
simple... wooden toys and dolls that didn't do anything, but now
it's electronic gizmos up the ass, and what the hell does an old
fart like me know about computers? I put my naughty/nice list on
the computer a few years ago and the damn thing crashed. Lost all
the nice kids. Do you have any idea how expensive it is to fly
tech support to the north pole?
Don't even get me started on the damn reindeer. "Eight tiny
reindeer" my ass! Too much more...