Tracks Jokes / Recent Jokes

Our sardar, one day is at the railway ation. He asks one man "when will rajdhani express go from here"? man replies 10. 10. "when will punjab express go from here"? man replies 10. 10. "when will deccan queen go from here"? man replies 10. 20. Thus the sardar goes on asking for all the trains. Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train or not. sardar replies, "no. I only want to cross the tracks!"

A brunette was jumping up and down on a set of railroad tracks saying, "21, 21, 21." A blonde walked by, noticed the brunette, started jumping up and down on the tracks and repeated what the brunette was saying. The brunette heard a train whistle and jumped off of the tracks. The blonde kept jumping and saying, "21, 21, 21." The train ran over the blonde. When the train ended, the brunette jumped back on the tracks and started saying, "22, 22, 22."

Imagine that each leader of the USSR (and now Russia) finds himself on a train in the middle of nowhere, when suddenly the tracks have come to an end. What instructions would he give to his entourage?
Lenin: Go infuse the peasants with revolutionary spirit and organize them to build new rails to carry our train forward!
Stalin: Round up the peasants, lay down their bodies before the train and we shall ride over them.
Khrushchev: Go out, tear up the tracks from behind the train, set them down in front and we shall continue our journey.
Brezhnev: Pull all the curtains in the carriage, rock back and forth and make clicking noises.
Gorbachev: We have glasnost now. Run outside and shout at the top of your lungs: "There are no rails!"
Yeltsin: Privatise he tracks, the train, and send the passengers back to their original homelands!

There was three blondes walking in the woods.
The 1st blonde saw some tracks.She said that looks like bear tracks.the 2nd blonde said"No, thats deer tracks.Then the 3rd blonde said"Thats wolf tracks"Then all of a sudden they heard a train.

231. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:

Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.

Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes.

Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course.

Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes.

Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine.

Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.


232. What about the blonde who gave birth to twins? Her husband is out looking for the other man.


233. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.LOS ANGELES TIMES, October 8:People of northwestern Montana have been advised to be on the lookout for drunken bears. Black bears and grizzlies have been congregating along the tracks of the Burlington Northern railroad tracks, where a train carrying hundreds of tons of corn derailed some time ago. The corn has fermented, and the aroma is attracting the bears. "The bears are actually intoxicated up there," said wildlife biologist Loren Hicks. And a grizzly with a hangover can be cross as a bear.

231. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911: Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb. Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes. Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course. Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes. Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine. Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves. 232. What about the blonde who gave birth to twins? Her husband is out looking for the other man. 233. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The more...