Trained Jokes / Recent Jokes

Our young daughter had adopted a wandering cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post.

"Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."
I watched for a number of days as my husband tolerantly "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat smashed, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.
The cat learned immediately. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?"

"Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie."

"I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they`re the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too."

"I`d like to see that."

So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"

"Are you crazy? It`d kill me, you idiot! I`m out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:

"You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."

What did one lab rat say to the other?

"I've got my scientist so well trained that every time I push the buzzer he brings me a snack."

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKenzie asks:

"So how are your men?"

"Very well trained, General. McKenzie."

"I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country."

"Well, my men are very brave, too."

"I'd like to see that."

So Marshall calls private Cooper and says:

"Private Cooper! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"

"Are you fucking crazy? It'd kill me, you asshole! I'm out of here!"

As private Cooper ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said: "You see? You have to be pretty damn brave to talk like that to more...

An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.

An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy. Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large more...

Cardinal Graciaus was once invited to give the first holy communion in a church in Bombay. The parish priest had prepared the young children thoroughly on how to respond to the prayers during the Holy Mass. He had taught the children that the response to the Bishop's saying -' The Lord be with you,' would be -' And also with you.'

As the Cardinal began the Holy Mass, he found that the mike was not working. He turned around to the parish priest and said,' Something is wrong with the mike'

The children, well trained as they were, answered in a loud voice:' And also with you.'