Trained Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals. The first engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two engineers, he said, "At Hewlett Packard, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second engineer finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At Lockheed-Martin, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Apple Computer, Inc. we don`t pee on our hands."

Three rich brothers each wanted to do something special for their elderly mother on Mother's Day. The first brother bought her a huge house. The second brother gave her a limousine, with a driver. The third brother remembered that his mother used to love to read the Bible, but couldn't see well anymore, so he got her a specially trained parrot that could recite any verse from the Bible on demand.
Soon, the brothers received thank-you notes from their mother. The first son's note said, "The house you bought me is much too big! I only live in a small part of it, but I have to clean the whole thing!" The second son got a note that said, "I rarely leave the house anymore, so I hardly use the limo you gave me. And when I do use it, the driver is so rude!" The third son's note said, "My darling baby boy, you know just what your mother loves! The chicken was delicious!"
Teaching Notes: We previewed some of the vocabulary, such as limousine, trained, more...

An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy.

An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.

Economics is the only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing.
An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.
Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."
Practice economy at ANY cost.

Once their was a priest. This priest bought a horse and decided to train it himself. He trained the horse to go when he said "
thank the lord"
and to stop when he said "
amen."
One day, while riding his horse, the priest decided to gallop. He was galloping along when he noticed a cliff at the end of the trail. Completely forgetting how he had trained the hors, the priest started yelling, "
whoa"
, "
hoah you stupid horse!"
and "
STOP! SLOW DOWN!"
Around five feet before the cliff, the priest decided to say a prayer. At the end of his prayer he said "
Amen"
. The horse stopped three feet from the edge. Then, the priest took out his handkerchief, wiped his forehead, and said "
thank the lord."

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?"
"Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie."
"I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too."
"I'd like to see that."
So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"
"Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:
"You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."

A man wants to buy a parrot so he goes to the local pet shop. There, he sees a parrot with a blue string tied to its right leg, and a red string tied to its left leg. The man asks the owner the significance of the strings.
"Well, this is a highly trained parrot," the owner explains. "If you pull the blue string, he speaks German and if you pull the red string, he speaks French."
"That's amazing," the man comments. "What happens if I pull both strings?"
"I fall off my perch, you fool!!" the parrot screeches.