Tramp Jokes / Recent Jokes

I thought it would be a nice idea to bring a date to my parents'
house on Christmas Eve. I thought it would be interesting for a
non-Italian girl to see how an Italian family spends the holidays.
I thought my mother and by date would hit it off like partridges
and pear trees.

So, I was wrong.

Sue me.

I had only known Karen for three weeks when I extended the
invitation. "I know these family things can be a little weird," I
told her, "but my folks are great, and we always have a lot of fun
on Christmas Eve."

"Sounds fine to me," Karen said.

I had only known by mother for 31 years when I told her I'd be
bringing Karen with me. "She's a very nice girl and she's really
looking forward to meeting all of you."

"Sounds fine to me," my mother said.

And that was that. Two telephone calls. Two sounds-fine-to-me's.
What more...

two tramps walking down the road.1st tramp smells shit so asks the second tramp if he has shit himself.
"no i have not"second tramp says so the 1st tramp carries on walking and just ignores it.
A few minutse a faint smell of shit reaches his nostrills.
"listen have you shit yourself"
"no i havnt" the 2nd tramp replies. The 1st tramp rips his mates keks down and finds a log in his crusty boxers
"see you have shit yourself"
"oh sorry"he replies"i didnt no you meant today"

A woman was touched by the tramp's decrepit appearance when he came begging at her door.
"Here, I think you can use these old trousers," she said. "They're quite good and only require a little mending."
"That's very kind of you," replied the tramp. "I'll come back in about an hour. That should allow you enough time to have them ready."

I'm not saying she's a tramp, but her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors.

The ball had been knocked out of the ground into the lane and everybody was out looking for it. One of the players came across an old tramp, lying in the shade.

'Excuse me' said the cricketer,' but have you seen a cricket ball?'' No, I haven't,' replied the tramp.

'But I've brought one from home I could sell you!'