Transplant Jokes / Recent Jokes
two guys in a bar talking when one says "im really unhappy about being bald" the other says "why dont you have a transplant" he replies "dont be stupid id look even worse with a liver on my head"
A woman diagnosed as having a brain tumor was told by her doctor that she would need the transplant of a one-pound brain. The doctor then asked, "What type of brain do you want?"
"What type?" the woman asked.
"Yes," replied the doctor. "There is a substantial difference in price. For example, a one-pound brain of a surgeon costs $60, 000, while you can get a one-pound brain of a nuclear physicist for $50, 000, and so on.
"Can you give me a one-pound lawyer's brain? Ever since I was a little girl I've dreamed of being a trial attorney."
"That's $250, 000," the doctor replied.
"Why so much? the woman asked. "That's over four times what a surgeon's brain costs."
"Do you have any idea how many lawyers it takes to produce a pound of brain?" the doctor replied.
A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds." Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?" "No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone."
A patient needed a brain transplant and the doctor told the family,' 'Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.''
' 'Well, how much does a brain cost?'' asked the relatives.
' 'For a male brain, $500, 000. For a female brain, $200, 000,'' replied the doctor.
Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. But the patient's daughter was unsatisfied and asked,' 'Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?''
' 'Standard pricing practice,'' said the doctor.' 'Women's brains have to be marked down because they've actually been used.''
A prostitute went to visit a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant.
The woman, concerned about her friend's welfare, went up to the surgeon who was going to perform the operation and said, "Doctor, I'm worried about my friend. What if her body rejects the organ?"
The doctor replied, "Well, she's 34 years old and is in extremely good health, apart from her heart. How long has she been in the business?"
The patient's friend replied, "She's been working since she was 18 years old, but what's that got to do with anything?"
"Well," said the doctor, "if she's been working for 16 years and hasn't rejected an organ, I don't think she's about to start now!"
An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd is an attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?" "I'll take the lawyer's heart", said the patient. After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. "It was easy", said the patient, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."
The Johns Hopkins Transplant Center in Baltimore performed the world's first quintuple kidney transplant today. When asked the reason behind doing five transplants at the same time, one of the doctors explained, "We could have done them seperately with significantly less risk, but its a short week. The only thing I'm carving up on Thanksgiving is a turkey!"