Travelling Jokes / Recent Jokes

You are in a car travelling at a constant speed. On your left is a valley, and on your right is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car, and you can't overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter, flying at ground level; both are travelling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get off the merry-go-round!

5 minutes ago you were travelling to office at 80 mph. in your brand new car. Now you are travelling to hospital at double the speed in an ambulance. You wish there was UNDO in life!
You are already late, and your key is missing. You wish there was FIND TOOL in life! You are a bankrupt, after investing in some weird business. You wish there was REBUILD ALL in life!
The train is so crowded that you cannot get anywhere near that nice girl at the other end. You wish there was ZOOM VIEW FULL SCREEN in
life! IF NOT FOR "Replace"!
One day you realize that you are turning bald. You wish there was CUT PASTE in life! After marriage you realize that there is bound to be a mismatch. You wish there was an EVALUATION PERIOD or at least a sample down load or a DEMO version!

This is from a multi-generation xerox copy that was given to me by
someone I know. I have no idea where it came it from or if it is accurate,
but it is amusing nonetheless.
AKBAR KHALI-KILI HAFTIR LOTFAN.
Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.
FEKR GABUL CRADAN DAVAT PAEH GUSH DIVAR.
I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie on the floor
with my arms above my head and my legs apart.
SHOMAEH FEKR TAMOMEH OEH GOFTEH BANDE.
I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life.
AUTO ARREREGH DAVATEMAN MANO SEPAHEH HAST.
It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk
of your car.
FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMARA
JEBEHKESHVAREHMAN.
If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages
I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.
KHREL JEPAHEH MANEH VA JAYEH AMERIKAHEY.
I will tell you the names and addresses of more...

While travelling a sardar was carrying a binocular with him.
But he never seemed to use it while looking outside the window.
A co-passenger who was travelling with him asked why he was carrying binoculars.
The sardar simply said. ..
"I am on my way to see a distant relative."

Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 Rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

Two statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York. A little later, he announced that a second engine failed, and they still had two left, but it would take 10 hours to get to New York. Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced that a third engine had died. Never fear, he announced, because the plane could fly on a single engine. However, it would now take 18 hours to get to new York. At this point, one statistician turned to the other and said, "Gee, I hope we don't lose that last engine, or we'll be up here forever!"

Perwez Musharraf and his wife are travelling in USA when they meet Santa Singh who is also travelling with his wife on a holiday. They start talking and realise that both are going to take the same train the next day. At the station Perwez buys tickets for himself and his wife. However he notices that Santa Singh buys a single ticket. "How are two people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks Pervez. "Just watch and you`ll see!" answers Santa. They all board the train and the Musharrafs take their seats and watch as Santa and his wife cram into a nearby restroom and close the door. The train departs and shortly afterwards the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Musharrafs see all this and agree that it is a clever idea to save some money. So on their return trip, they more...