Tray Jokes / Recent Jokes

Instructions for Microsoft's TV Dinner:
First, you must remove the plastic cover. In doing so, you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner as this would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights. However, you may allow others to smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Now, set the oven using the following keystrokes:
mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat
Then enter:
ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme
If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.
If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner which are found on the package label, the weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking, then press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and more...

A printer is made up of three parts
1. the tray
2.the other tray
3. the blinking light

I once was on a plane where I was served by an obviously homosexual male flight attendant. At one point, he bounced over to where I was sitting and announced "The Captain has asked me to announce that he will be landing the big scary plane shortly, so if you could just put up your trays, that would be great."
I did as he had instructed but the woman sitting next to me did not. A few moments later, our flight attendant came back and said to her: "Ma'am, perhaps you couldn't hear me over the big scary engine, but I asked you to please put up your tray so that the captain can land the plane."
She still wouldn't comply. Now the attendent was getting rather angry and asked her again to put up the tray. She then calmly turned to him and said "In my country, I am called a princess. I take orders from no one."
Our flight attendant replied "Oh yeah? Well in MY country, I'm called a queen and I outrank you, bitch! So put the tray up!"

A friend of mine claims this happened to a friend of hers:
She had a wedding to go to, and needed a wedding gift. Aha, thought she, I
have that monogrammed silver tray from my wedding that I never use. I'll just
take it to a silversmith and have him remove my monogram and put hers on it.
Voila, one cheap wedding present.
So she took it to the silversmith and asked him to remove her monogram and put
the new one on. The silversmith took a look at the tray, shook his head, and
said,
"Lady, you can only do this so many times!"

This may sound like an urban legend - but it actually happened to my Dad!
My father work requires him to make several "home calls", one of which resulted in the following amusing tale:
As he arrived at the house in question, he knocked on the door - and as he walked in a dog ran in behind him and headed straight for the lounge.
Whilst discussing the "deal" the dog was leaping all over both of them - my dad thought it was rather strange that this was going unnoticed by the householder.
He also thought it was rather strange that the dog was allowed inside the room whilst they were talking. After several minutes the wife walked in the room with a tray of drinks and the dog just ran up to her and knocked the tray out of her hand, spllling tea all over the place - it was at this point my dad decided to casually ask: "How long have you had the dog?"
Their reply was "Oh - we thought it was yours!"... It was a stray!!!
Another of more...

One day a blonde walked into a cookie shop to see a small tray full of cookies. The sign said' free sample' so she took one.

The next day the blond was sick and could barely move. She swore revenge upon the cookie shop. She marched back to the cookie shop and burst into the cookie shop and slammed her foot. "Your cookies made me sick!" she screamed, pointing to the' free sample' tray.

"Oh, what are we going to do about that?" said the store clerk, as he bit his lip.

"I want my money back!" screamed the blonde.

Solitaire' 99

Here is the README. TXT file from Microsoft's latest software product.

Microsoft Solitaire' 98

README file, v4. 3

Welcome!

Congratulations!

Welcome to the wonderful world of Microsoft Solitaire' 98! This classic game has been a Windows fixture for many years, and after a long period of development, we are pleased to announce that it has been updated to take advantage of many exciting, Microsoft- pioneered technologies, such as "long filenames!"

For years, our users have made demands, and Microsoft has listened. You told us that you wanted an operating system in which Solitaire was a seamless, integrated component. You wanted to blend in Solitaire with how you worked, how you played, and in general, you wanted Solitaire to *define your computing experience.*

Solitaire' 98 brings this dream to a blissful reality.

System Requirements:

- 266 MHz Pentium II more...