Entitled Jokes

If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately! Do not open it. Apparently, this one is pretty nasty.
It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone's autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some)to migrate behind your ears. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair more...

User: I want some answers.
Administrator: You want answers?
User: I think I'm entitled to them.
Administrator: You want answers?
User: I want the truth!
Administrator: You can't handle the truth!
We live in a world that has Computers, and those Computers have to be
connected by people with a clue.
Who's gonna do it? You?
You users make me sick. I have a greater responsibility than you can
possibly fathom.
You weep for your email and you curse the local administrator.
You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that
this network, while screwed up, and confusing to you, probably saved time.
And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves time.
You don't want the truth, because deep down, in places you don't talk about
at parties, you want us in this office.
You need us in this office.
We use words like DNS, LDAP, and SCRIPTS...we use these words as the
backbone to a more...

Solitaire '99Here is the README.TXT file from Microsoft's latest software product. Microsoft Solitaire '98README file, v4.3Welcome! Congratulations! Welcome to the wonderful world of Microsoft Solitaire '98! This classic game has been a Windows fixture for many years, and after a long period of development, we are pleased to announce that it has been updated to take advantage of many exciting, Microsoft- pioneered technologies, such as "long filenames!" For years, our users have made demands, and Microsoft has listened. You told us that you wanted an operating system in which Solitaire was a seamless, integrated component. You wanted to blend in Solitaire with how you worked, how you played, and in general, you wanted Solitaire to *define your computing experience.* Solitaire '98 brings this dream to a blissful reality. System Requirements:- 266 MHz Pentium II or better- 800 megabytes of free hard drive space (2.1 gigabytes recommended)- 128 megabytes of RAM (256 megabytes more...

During an appearance on Sunday's Meet the Press, Vice-President Joe Biden said that Dick Cheney's a fine fellow who's entitled to his own opinion, but he's not entitled to rewrite history. Viewers were absolutely stunned when they heard fine, fellow, and Dick Cheney in the same sentence.

An Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him. The English man, being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil. When they lashed him on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London he groaned and crawled to the airport. Next came the German. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard "Nothing" said the German and, after receiving his lashes spat on the ground, called the prison guards Schisers and started off towards the airport. The guards then came to the Irishman. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on more...