Solitaire Jokes

Picard "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"Geordi "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen. Riker looks puzzled. "What in the world is' Microsoft'?"Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called' Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."Picard "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"Data "Yes, Captain. But when' Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an' upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially more...

A army trainer was teaching his recruits about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked.
Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then Santa in the back eagerly raised his hand.
"Yes Santa, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?"
Santa replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."
"Why's that Santa ?"
"Well," answered Santa, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked trainer impatiently.
"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!"

10) "I can't believe people could actually get work done while trying to play this!!!"9) "Hey boss!!! OH wow! cool! Look at this! Solitaire!!! I just found Solitaire on my computer!!! Did you know we have solitaire on these machines??? Well... back to work...8) "This machine is all @#$%ed up AGAIN!!!" (you quickly jump to the power button and shut down your computer the WRONG way...)7) "Oohh...SOLITAIRE...I thought it said SOLID STAIR...Now I see what this is..."6) "Hey boss!!!...What's this???...Oh, yea...I'm on my lunchbreak right now, is this ok??...What??...it's only 9:30???...did I say Lunch??...I meant coffee break!"5) "OK..who's the joker who pointed my accounting software to solitaire??? This is getting ridiculous!!!"4) "Sir!!!...I've got a great new radio campaign which has an employee getting caught playing solitaire by his boss while he's suppose to be working...what would you say to me if you really caught me more...

Solitaire `99

Here is the README. TXT file from Microsoft`s latest software product.

Microsoft Solitaire `98

README file, v4. 3

Welcome!

Congratulations!

Welcome to the wonderful world of Microsoft Solitaire `98! This classic game has been a Windows fixture for many years, and after a long period of development, we are pleased to announce that it has been updated to take advantage of many exciting, Microsoft- pioneered technologies, such as "long filenames!"

For years, our users have made demands, and Microsoft has listened. You told us that you wanted an operating system in which Solitaire was a seamless, integrated component. You wanted to blend in Solitaire with how you worked, how you played, and in general, you wanted Solitaire to *define your computing experience.*

Solitaire `98 brings this dream to a blissful reality.

System Requirements:

- 266 MHz Pentium II more...

Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your
attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been
able to access their command pathways?"
Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by
searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing
technology."
Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.
Riker looks puzzled. "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"
Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send
this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command
pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming
system resources at an unstoppable rate."
Picard: "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't
they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"
Data: "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it
creates a new version of itself more...