Trimmed Jokes

At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray.
She went to the priest and told him, "Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon."
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as 'our' not 'your.'
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed.
She again went to the priest and told him, "Father, I've noticed that your...I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed."
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn't, but assured him she would look for it.
A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying more...

There was this blonde farmer who had these two horses that she couldn’t tell apart. She went to her neighbor and asked if he had any ideas to help her. The neighbor told her to trim part of one horse’s tails so one would be shorter than the other. The blonde thanked her neighbor and went home. She trimmed one of the tails, and she could tell her horses apart now, until one day when the other horse got his tail caught in the fence. Now the blonde had a problem cuz she couldnt tell the horses apart again. So she went back to her neighbor and asked him what she could do. Her neighbor said to trim one of the horse’s ears. The blond thanked her neighbor again and went home. Then she trimmed one of her horse’s ears. Now he could tell them apart. Until one day when the other horse got its ear caught in the fence. Now the blond was stuck. So she went back to her neighbor. Her neighbor suggested that she measure her horses. The blond thanked her neighbor once again and went home. It more...

Recipe for Banana Cake

Ingredients:
1 bedroom
2 smiling eyes
2 well shaped legs
2 firm milk containers
1 fur trimmed mixing bowl
1 large banana and essence
2 anxious nuts

Method:

Go into bedroom, look into smiling eyes
Separate well shaped legs, squeeze milk containers until
fur trimmed bowl is well greased
Add banana and essence
Gently work in and out until well greased
Cover with nuts

Notes:
Cake is done when banana is soft
Wash utensils. DO NOT lick bowl.

If cake starts to rise....... leave town.

While making love, the wife noticed her husband trimmed nicely and asked him who did the job. "The saloon down the corner darling" said the husband and added that the price was cheap too, only five dollars. The wife, needing a trim badly, went to the neighbourhood saloon the nest day and ordered her own trimmed. She was happy with the job and handed the man a five dollar bill. "Ten dollars lady" said the man and no less. The wife retorted saying she would pay no more than five dollars, exactly the amount her husband paid the previous day for his trim. "Oh" cried the hair cutter, "it was a man and we charge 5 dollars only from men!" The wife was aghast and asked the reason for the discrepency. The cutter laughed and said "handle lady; men give us the handle making our job easy with them!!"