Truck Jokes / Recent Jokes
As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon(the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human genepool. And now, for this year's illustrious winner(s):.. drum roll... JohnPernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge, Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in theparking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easyenough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show. The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the planwas for John--100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over, and then assist hisfriend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop onthe other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himselfcrashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large more...
A truck driver was drivingalong on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." He tries to turn off but, before he knows it, the bridge is right there and he gets stuck under it. Cars arebacked up for miles. Finally, a police car comesup. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands onhis hips and says, "Got stuck huh?" The truck driver says,"No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas"
At a radiator shop (A-1 Radiator)"Best Place in Town to take a Leak"Sign over a gynecologist's office"Dr. Jones, at your cervix." On a Plumbers truck:"We repair what your husband tried to fix." On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania:"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber." Pizza shop slogan:"7 days without pizza makes one weak." At a tire shop in Milwaukee:"Invite us to your next blowout"Door of a plastic surgeon's office:"Hello. Can we pick your nose or would you rather do it"At a laundry shop: "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?" At a towing company:"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." On an electrician's truck"Let us remove your shorts." In a non-smoking area:"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate more...
A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he saw walking
down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer walking along the
road, he swerved to hit him and there would be a loud "THUMP". Then he
would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along the road he saw a priest
hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good deed and pulled the truck over.
"Where are you going, Father?" The truck driver asked.
"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road", replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck". The happy
priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down
the road. Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road.
Instinctively he swerved to hit him. At the last moment he remembered there
was a priest more...
A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the road and told the blonde to stand in the circle and not move. He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh, you think that's funny? Watch this." He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down. "What's so funny?" The truck driver asked the blonde. She replied, more...
A truck driver was going south on I-75, when he came upon a weight station. When he pulled in and got on the scales to be weighed, the scale master told the driver that he was 900lbs. over weight. The truck driver replied, I can take care or that. The scale master asked he how could he fix the problem? The driver said, let me go around back, and I'll fix the overweight problem. The scale master agreed to let him fix his problem. About half an hour later the truck driver got back on the scales, and the scale master said, driver, you are still 900lbs. over weight. The truck driver said, I don't understand what went wrong. I let 50lbs. out of each tire on the rig. After thinking the problem over the scale master said, well 18 tires times 50lbs. would equal 900lbs. I guess my scales must be wrong. I'm sorry driver, you may continue on down the road, and have a nice day.
There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. After he didn't move for a half-an-hour, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down.
The poor man started crying. The truck driver turned and said: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and then fired me.
"When I left the building to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab.
"I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home depressed and came to this bar. And now, when I was thinking about more...