Truth Jokes / Recent Jokes
`You seem to be in some distress, ’ said the kindly judge to the witness. `Is anything the matter? ’
`Well, your Honour, ’ said the witness, `I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects. ’
The truth will set you free.. but a good lie can always break you out.
Universal truth: You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" even when you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug!"
Too bad there's not such a thing as a golden skunk, because you'd probably be proud to be sprayed by one.
To me, truth is not some vague, foggy notion. Truth is real. And, at the same time, unreal. Fiction and fact and everything in between, plus some things I can't remember, all rolled into one big' thing'. This is truth, to me.
You what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.
I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.
I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp. That way, you could ride more...