Truth Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Call for More Scientific Truth in Product Warning Labels by Susan Hewitt and Edward Subitzky from the Journal of Irreproducible Results, Vol 36, No. 1As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towardslegislation that requires the prominent placing of warnings on products that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the cautionarythought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely scratch thesurface of what is really necessary in this important area. This is especiallytrue in light of the findings of 20th century physics.We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we join together inan intensive push for new laws that will mandate the conspicuous placementof suitably informative warnings on the packaging of every product offeredfor sale in the United States of America. Our Suggested list of requiredwarnings appears below.Warning: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.Warning: This Product Attracts Every more...
Three men died in a car accident and met God in heaven.
"I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth you will enter heaven, but if you lie. .. hell is waiting for you," God told them.
To the first man God asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"
The first man replied, "I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife."
God replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation."
To the second man God asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"
The second man replied, "I cheated on my wife twice."
God replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four-bedroom house and a BMW."
To the third man God asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your more...
An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and stood in front of them.
He then asked, “Who push port-a-potty over cliff? ”
Nobody answered him.
He then asked again, “Who push port-a-potty over cliff? ”
Again nobody answered.
The old Indian said, “I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish. ” So the Indian asked again,
“Who push port-a-potty over cliff? ”
To which the littlest Indian replied, “I push port-a-potty over cliff. ”
The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks, “Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish, father? ”
The old Indian replied, “Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!! ”
The Judge asked the defendant, "Mr. Jones, do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" "I do." "Now what do you say to defend yourself?" "Your Honor, under those limitations... nothing."
The “think positive” leader tends to listen to his subordinate’s premonitions only during the postmortems. The amount of flak received on any subject is inversely proportional to the subject’s true value. The average man’s judgment is so poor, he runs a risk every time he uses it. The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs. The best laid plans of mice and men are all filed away somewhere. The best laid plans of mice and men are usually equal. The best photos are generally attempted through the lens cap. The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth. The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match. The best way to realise your dreams is to wake up.
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug."
A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. "Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300."
"Easy, Dad," the boy replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on," the father said. "Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth," the boy replied. "Every night you were gone, Mr. Reynolds from the grocery store would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"