Truth Jokes / Recent Jokes
A new list of the "World's Shortest Books":
STAYING HAPPILY MARRIED
-by Elizabeth Taylor
BEAUTY SECRETS
-by Janet Reno
HOME BUILT AIRPLANES
-by John Denver
DOWN HILL SKIING
-by Sonny Bono
HOW TO GET TO THE SUPER BOWL
-by Dan Marino
FLYING AT NIGHT
-by JFK, Jr.
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
-by Hillary Clinton
MY LIFE'S MEMORIES
-by Ronald Reagan
THINGS I CAN'T AFFORD-
by Bill Gates
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
-by O. J. Simpson
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
-by Dennis Rodman
THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH
-by the Ramseys
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN
AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE
DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
THE AMISH PHONE more...
The truth is that if you take a little time to learn a few basic principles and some of the technical lingo, buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth. So let's get started!
To care for wisdom and truth and improvement of the soul is far better than to seek money and honor and reputation. Socrates
The truth is cruel, but it can be loved, and it makes free those who have loved it. Sartre
He was Born April 21st, 1818. He didn't become Josh Billings 'til he was forty years old. Between then and his death in 1885, he produced a plethora of pithy aphorisms. Consider these:
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed.
As a general rule, if you want to get at the truth - hear both sides and believe neither.
Solitude: A good place to visit, but a poor place to stay.
As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.
When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.
One-half the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not more...
The science section of Tuesday's The New York Times (Jan 6, 1998) includes a profile of Biologist Dr. Anne Simon (U Mass, Amherst). The piece (by Carey Goldberg) is entitled "The Science Adviser to Whaaat?"
It seems that Dr. Simon has, for some time, been a friend of one Chris Carter. Carter is the creator of the X-FILES TV show on the Fox network (U.S.). For the uninitiated, Goldberg describes X-FILES as a "dark confection of conspiracy, fantasy and paranormalcy." On the show two FBI agents come across aliens (from outer space), witches, vampires and high government conspiracies. But the crazy thing is often well written and filled with dry humor (EG. in one episode about a southern town whose economy was based upon a chicken processing plant and whose culture was steeped in cannibalism, the local company's motto was: GOOD PEOPLE MAKE GOOD FOOD).
When Carter started to write scripts for the show he called on Dr. Simon for scientific expertise. Simon says more...
There was a boy who never, ever lied. He always told people the truth and/or his opinion. Like when he broke a glass vase, he said that he broke it. He was awarded a few days later for telling the truth, even though he was grounded.
One day a lady asked him, "What do you think of my dress? It cost me thousands of dollars."
The boy replied, "That is the most stupid dress I have ever seen in my life, and will haunt me in my afterlife! It's more terrible than a fifty-year old swine that was drowned in mud when it was three! I think you should go back to the garbage disposal and feed it to a goat!" He said all that truthfully.
After he said that, the lady called 911 and he went to juvenile hall.