Truth Jokes / Recent Jokes
An old Indian lined up all of his ten sons and stood in front of them. He then asked, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" Nobody answered him.
He then asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" And again nobody answered.
The old Indian said, "I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish. Little Indian tell truth, I no punish." So the Indian asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"
The littlest Indian replied, "I push port-a-potty over cliff. "
The old Indian then shakes him, spanks him, does everything he can to punish him. When he is done, the little Indian asks, "Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish?"
The old Indian replied, "Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down."
How to Answer
It is Saturday, a crisp spring afternoon, and you're exactly where you should be: stretched out on the couch in front of a televised sporting event. Opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. Suddenly your girlfriend enters the room and says,
'DO I LOOK FAT?'
There is no answer to this question that won't be interpreted' yes'.
'No' means yes.' Yes' means yes.' I don't know' means yes.' It doesn't matter' means yes. The briefest hint of a pause before speaking means yes, yes, yes.
Most of us would rather take our degrees again than field this one, yet it may well come up several times a week. Your only real choice is to say no, clearly and immediately, leaving no possibility for any subtext, and making it sound like a widely acknowledged fact and not simply your opinion. This doesn't work, but more...
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
One juror overheard saying to another...
You'll notice that neither the prosecutor nor defense attorney swore to tell the truth!
If I wanted to hear from an ass, I’d fart. If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldn’t say hello, I’d say boo! If idiots could fly, this would be an airport. If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. If manure were music, you’d be a brass band. If sex were fast food, you’d have an arch over your head. If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth! If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder; it would be genocide! If what you don’t know can’t hurt you, she’s practically invulnerable. If you act like an ass, don’t get insulted if people ride you. If you don’t like my opinion of you - improve yourself!
`You seem to be in some distress,' said the kindly judge to the witness. `Is anything the matter?'`Well, your Honour,' said the witness, `I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.'