Truths Jokes

Great truths about life: 1. Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree. 2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 3. Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. 4. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere... and let the air out of their tires. 5. Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts. 6. Middle age is when you choose cereal for the fiber, not the toy. 7. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. 8. If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts. 9. Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day. 10. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

Great truths about life that adults have learnedRaising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. There is always alot to be thankful for if you take the time to look. For example: I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due. The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires. Families are like fudge.... mostly sweet, with a few nuts. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely. If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

From a San Diego Father who has identified 35 truths he learned from his children:
There is no such thing as childproofing your house.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a Superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20' room.
Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up several times before you get a hit.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long ways.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh", it is already too more...

There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED
No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
School lunches stick to the wall.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.
There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is more...